JANUARY 4TH, 2007

None

Current mood:crushed

Right now, I am so depressed I can't stand it. I can't believe how much time I've spent alone in the last two days. I miss Bryan so much...damn, I never knew love could hurt like this. I want no part of it. How I wish I could seperate myself from the situation, but it's impossible. I am actually being forced to feel. I don't want to feel these things; I'd rather not love at all. I am keeping it together for the sake of my kid, but I can't hide the fact that something is very wrong. I can't do the simplest of things without falling apart. I swear to God, in all my 29 years, I have never felt like this with anyone else. Bryan has been such a big part of me that it feels like I am only half a person without him. The most recurring thought I have is: I can't deal. I can't deal with this.

I feel so horrible for hurting him like I did. I don't know if we can recover from this, and we have overcome some things it takes other people years to defeat. We've been one hell of a team, minus the fighting amongst ourselves. I don't know how I can go on without him. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I dread going to bed tonight because it will be the second night that I haven't had the chance to lie next to him. I don't know if I can survive another day like this, I really don't.