FEBRUARY 28, 2007

Arrrgh

Current mood:enraged

I am so pissed off right now. Its been a long time since Ive seen 420 AM unless Ive woken up from sleep. I havent been to bed yet.

Today Bryan got an email from Sarah and in it she dropped three names of people who know him that he used to go to school with. She did this just so she could get his attention, and it pisses me off. I know everyones like, "So?" Well,she did it in a threatening way. Her email said, "Jane Doe and Jill Smith and Mary Jones. Do those names ring a bell? They said to tell you hi. lololol." I was so fucking mad, I swear. Bryan and I started yelling at each other because the situation pissed me off so bad. He hasnt spoken with her in over a week. He told her in my presence (but she didnt know it) that he just thought it would be better if they didnt speak any more. So now shes pulling the little games I predicted she would pull, and I dont know why, but it enrages me. Its not like I didnt know she was going to do it, but it really pisses me off that she wants his attention THAT bad. STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU NASTY DIRTY CUNT. I couldnt be more serious.

Bryan and I are NOT together. There is NO getting back together, but he is still in my life. I know I need to let him learn his lesson about Sarah without getting involved and all emotional, but its hard because every time she makes contact with him its like shes making contact with ME and I HATE HER SO MUCH that it feels like a scab being ripped off of a fresh wound, over and over again. I didnt know it was possible to really dislike someone as much as I dislike that bitch. After Bryan left, I just started punching my wall. (I really need to seek out some kind of aggression therapy, because I DO have a lot of anger right now and nowhere to put it.) I was surprised to feel the wall give and then give and then give. So now I have a hole in my wall the size of a fucking computer monitor, with torn shreds of drywall hanging and exposed wood. There are bits and pieces of drywall and shit all over my floor. My hand is sore and swollen and very bruised, but I dont care. It could have been her fat ugly face, and I could have been in jail instead. I can repair the wall. I dont want a criminal record, on top of being insane. LOL!

Anyway, Im going to smoke some weed now. The last few days have been pretty good for me. Im going to try and not let tonight ruin it. Thats why Im going to smoke this bowl and go to bed and try to have some fucking hope.