FEBRUARY 18, 2007

Trespasses

Current mood:anxious

Well, last night didnt go too bad at all. After I got done writing, I did exactly what I said. I took some Nyquil, smoked a little, and was just getting ready to doze off when my phone rang. It was so loud it made me jump almost out of my skin. It was Dave, Bryans best friend. He called me because he was present when Sarah picked up Bryans phone. He told me that what she said was, "He cant talk to you right now, hes putting a condom on." I didnt hear it because like I said in my other entry, I hung up the phone as soon as I heard her voice. I never really knew what it was that she said, but Dave AND Bryan both think I did, apparently.

Dave told me that he thought it was really fucked up that she would do such a thing. He said he was so shocked he didnt even know what to say. I guess he asked Bryan later, when they were alone, if he was scared now. Bryan told him that he was. According to Dave, Bryan was just as shocked and pissed off about it as Dave was. He said as soon as Sarah hung up his phone, Bryan said, "What the FUCK?" Dave said he didnt know what transpired from there, because he went somewhere else, but his point in calling me was to tell me that hes always going to be my friend, even if Bryan and I never talk to each other again. He made it clear, of course, that Bryan will always be his boy, but that he cares about me too and he would spend time with me regardless of what Bryan thinks. I told him that his phone call would surely help me sleep because it put my mind at ease a little bit to know that 1.) Bryan didnt know that Sarah was going to do that and that he didnt put her up to it and 2.) Im not going to lose Dave as a friend, because I really care about him. Hes been SUCH a good friend to me. When I explained that I had to remove him AND Bryans brother from my friends list on here because I made my profile private, and I didnt want anyone to have access to my page that didnt need it, he got really quiet for a second and then said, "Well, THAT sucks." I explained I was doing it for my own protection and peace of mind. He said he understood.

So, after I got off the phone, I went to sleep. And YES I did wake up at about 6 like I always do, but I laid back down and went right back to sleep. I didnt get up again until 915. MAN that felt good. And while my heart is still broken and I still feel the pain, it does help to know what actually happened. I have not cried all day, but I have felt pretty anxious. I guess thats understandable, considering the circumstances. Dave told me that he would call me today, after he listened to me talk about Sarah and her psychotic games. I have a feeling hes going to go to Bryan with what I said, even though its stuff hes already heard, and reinforce to him what a mess hes made of everything. What Im really hoping for is a heartfelt apology from Bryan. I think thats whats making me nervous, because I dont know if he will apologize for that. He definitely should. It wont change my stand on things, but at least Ill have the satisfaction of knowing that he does care enough about me to do whats right. Of course, if he cared enough about me to do whats right in the first place, he wouldnt be hanging out with her. Its driving me crazy not to be able to talk to him, because I would really like to hear what he has to say now.

So, I feel lazy right now, so Im going to lay around for a while, and then Im going to get up and clean. I have let this house go to shit. LOL. Im sure Ill update later.