Catharsis

So much has been going on lately. With our neighbors no longer speaking to us, the time kind of stretches by slowly. The hurt in my heart is still there. I keep hoping that things will change, but a part of me doesn't care if it does or it doesn't. Either way, my son and I are not going to be hurt again.

So it brings me to the reason for this post. We've decided it's just too awkward to stay here in light of the current circumstances. It's uncomfortable, to say to the least. And I never liked this house anyway, considering the four raccoons we've removed from the attic. So we've decided that as soon as we can, we are going to move. I project it being the middle of December, beginning of January. Most likely we'll have to suffer through the holidays here, but that's all right. I have a lead on a couple of houses that are in a very small town about a half hour from here.

I am ready for small town life. This area is like a festering disease that keeps spreading out. We are nestled into the middle of an area where drugs, prostitution, and shootings are the norm. Places near us have been robbed several times. I just simply want out of here. We moved here from a good area so that we could be next door to our neighbors. They provided a lot of support. Otherwise, we never would have left our safe house.

I want to live in a small town, play bingo at the VFW and eat at the Main Street diner with my friend Angie, who lives there too. I want to get Josh going in head start, and then start my pre nursing classes. I feel like a more active lifestyle would absolutely benefit me and the boy, because now we just stay in the house all the time. We read books, and color, and watch educational TV but my boy needs to get out of this house and into the world. I don't like taking him anywhere near here because it's safer at home so we just stay put. The neighbors have been my life for the last three years, so now it's time to start a new life. I feel that this small town is a step in the right direction. It's closer to Curtis's work. And my oldest, bestest friend lives there so I won't be lonely. I can take Josh for walks in the neighborhood without worrying about loose dogs. The elementary school has a really good playground he can play on. I'm 35 and it's time to settle down and stay put. Frankly, I'm tired of moving.

Curtis and I need a life. We need to bowl once a week, or go to the movies, or something. We have no private life. Right now, we don't even sleep in the same bed. (He sleeps with Joshua...this is bad, I know, I know.) We're still stronger than ever, though. I enjoy taking care of the cooking and cleaning and laundry while he works. He doesn't mind either.

I'm going to continue to post old blog entries from my MySpace journal. I just have to have the time it takes to copy and paste each entry. They're all about Bryan. I swear, if I hadn't been writing my ass off in this blog and the other blog during the Bryan days, I wouldn't remember most of the stuff. He was so insignificant and I made him to be my world. Gross. I just shake my head whenever I read about it. I am so embarrassed about that time in my life.