January 5th, 2007

Anxiety

Current mood:anxious

Today is the birthday of a mutual friend of Bryan and mine...actually, I met him through Bryan and now he is a close personal friend of mine, too. He is having a party at the bowling alley tonight and invited me. Of course, Bryan is going to be there. Bryan and I have talked about the ramifications of me going, and  I Have decided that it is VERY important for me to put on my game face and go. I just don't know how well I'm going to take it. Right now, I am shaking all over and I literally feel sick from anxiety. It's not even noon. I have some things to do to keep me busy, but I don't think the anxiety is going to go away. I don't know what to expect. Tonight it's not about us, and I will have to remember that, even though hanging out is going to be the most difficult thing I've done since he left home. I keep praying for him to come back but I don't know what's going to happen. It's going to be hard to seperate our situation from the celbration tonight...,.but I am going to try. I think I'm gonna go throw up now.