Update

I haven't had much time to update because I haven't really been out here lately. Everything is going well. I am still looking for part time work and conserving what little money I do have, and spending time with real friends and trying to enjoy myself. I kept Alexa and her friend over at the apartment for a few days...that was fun. They went swimming, we went bowling, we pigged out on junk food and watched movies. They pigged out so much I had no food left! That's okay, though.

I had kind of a bad few days due to extreme pre menstrual syndrome. I am not kidding. I get PMS really bad, especially the hormonal part. (Talk about hormonal ragfaces. That title belongs to me.) I really flipped out the other day because I was low on cash and needed cigarettes, so I called my friend Kristy and asked her if she would let me borrow $5 for a pack. She said sure..she just needed a ride to the store because she was low on gas and needed to cash a check. So I headed out to her house, only to have Bryan call me ten minutes later and tell me he was on his way to her house, too, because her and Mike owed him some money. Well, for some irrational reason this REALLY pissed me off. I started screaming at him to stay out of my business. He kept trying to explain that he wanted me to pick him up at his house and take him over to their house with me, but I wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. I was absolutely furious for NO discernible reason. I told him to fuck off and die a few times and turned my car around and went back to my apartment. We sat on the phone arguing, both of us calling Kristy at different times to say fuck it, we weren't coming. She was just bewildered and confused, poor girl. Then when I finally did pick him up, we went back to my apartment and fought some more because as soon as I picked him up and started driving toward Grand Blanc, he said, "I'm going to spend the night at home tonight. I just thought I would tell you now." I said, "Well, that's real nice," and got furious all over again. The fight spilled out into the parking lot, where I told him I fucking "hated" his guts. I said some other things I won't mention, too, that I feel really bad about. He ended up calling Kristy and Mike and asking them to come and get him, which they did. He had to wait for them to arrive, and while he did, we fought some more. He ended up ripping a brand new shirt I just bought him that he had never worn before that day. Just ripped it right off of himself because I told him to take it off, and when he refused, I threatened to rip it off of him. (Like I really would.) After I said that, he looked me right in the eye and ripped it off himself. I couldn't believe my eyes.

After Kristy picked him up, I told him to never call me again...and ten minutes later I was calling him and apologizing for some of the mean things I said. We talked a little bit and then I drove back out to Flint to pick him up. We went to his house, where we sat in the driveway and started fighting again. I ended up peeling out of his driveway like an asshole and coming out to Fenton, where he called me and we argued some more. We argued ourselves out and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called me back and asked me to meet him at a gas station close to his house so he could give me some money. He said, "I know you're stressed out because you don't have any money. My mom just gave me some money to give to you, and I want you to have it." I couldn't turn that down, so I met him at the gas station, got my money, made up, and then went back home alone and tried to chill out. It's been a long time since I felt that nuts. I just wanted to GO THE FUCK OFF....for NO reason.

Yesterday was nice. He worked the day shift, and afterwards we went out to dinner with his mom. When she walked out to the car, she leaned in my side and said, "If you guys are gonna start fighting again, I wanna let you know right now I'll walk home." She was dead serious. I assured her that was not going to happen and we had a pleasant dinner. Then we came out here to Fenton and hung out with Alexa for a while. She was loving me because I brought her some McDonald's. I burned a few CD's (like I'm doing now) and then we went to Mike and Kristy's. We bought some beer, and I drank a few, but I just wasn't in the mood to drink so I ended up staying stone cold sober. (I'm not complaining. I still had a good time.) Bryan very rarely gets drunk, but last night he had a nice little beer buzz...nothing major. We played spades in teams and gambled for money for a few hours, and then went home. I was so tired I was sure I would pass right out, but Bryan and I stayed up until past eight in the morning talking and cuddling. I love that....it seems like even though we act like lunatics sometimes, we still just get closer and closer and stronger and stronger. Matter of fact, last night, when we were leaving Mike and Kristy's, Mike's cousin Phil kept trying to get us to stay and play "one more game". Bryan was like, "No, I promised her we would go home a long time ago, and she's been waiting, so we're just going to go home." Phil kept trying for a few minutes, and then he laughed, put his cards down, looked at Mike, and in all seriousness said, "Damn, Mike, Bryan in love, ain't he?" Mike started laughing, Kristy looked at me with a knowing smile and a look, and Bryan and I pretended we didn't hear, even when Phil said, "Damn, Bryan, you in love, ain't you? Ain't you?" That makes me feel so good.

On a humorous note, today, when we were leaving the apartment, some guy walked up to my car and said, "See? You really don't hate his fucking guts after all. I'm glad to see you guys back together," and walked away. Evidently, it was one of my neighbors who witnessed all the brouhaha outside the other day. Talk about EMBARASSED.