Moving Day

Well, I moved into my apartment yesterday. I spent most of the night at a friend's house and didn't get back there until after 4 AM, but when I woke up this morning, I laid down on the couch and sat and thought about how cozy it was in there. I still have to unpack, though, and there are a few things from here that I need to pick up still. I don't know how much I'll be able to update my blog, because I am not going to take the computer yet. If I could actually find a tower that works, I would just as soon have that than unhook this one and transport it to the apartment. I already have speakers, a keyboard, and a monitor. I just need the "brains" and I would be good to go.

I find myself feeling a little sad today. I want people to understand that even though I don't want to be married to Shawn anymore, I still love him very much and I know that me leaving is hurting him more than I could even imagine. The thought of hurting Shawn hurts me so bad that I usually just block it out. Today, though, reality is setting in.....because I don't live in this house anymore. Tonight, when I am alone in my apartment (well, except for Alexa) I am sure I will have plenty of time to think about him and how he's feeling. I know that he misses me and wishes things weren't this way, and sometimes it's really hard for me too. But I know this is what I need to do for both of us to be independent. Shawn has never lived on his own or been his own person so now he can. And as for me, well, life will be interesting without him around for me to depend on.

Today, I plan to go to the store and pick up a few things for a small pot of spaghetti. When we go back to the apartment, I'm going to unpack while dinner is cooking, and when it's done, I want to sit back, relax, and watch a movie or something. My life has been a whirlwind of very late nights and very little sleep or relaxation time. Tonight, I want to slow it down---hit the pause button, if you will---and take some time for reflection and self searching. I need it.