Damn, I'm not writing a book!

I just woke up, as I didn't fall asleep until after 4 in the morning.

I feel like my life is upside down. There are things that are going on that I wish were not happening, but mostly it's okay. (Sometimes I wonder if I can't function without drama. )

I have never been in this position before. I usually handle my business in life diplomatically, and right now I am not being fair to anyone. That's what makes it hard for me to sleep. I never dreamed in a million years that I would ever be in the position I am in now. My previous self was just too responsible and fair to be in this situation.

If someone would have told me when I first started writing in this journal that I would not only meet but fall crazy in love with someone else besides my husband, let alone someone almost SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER than me, I would have laughed them off the block. But this is the reality of things.

****NEXT DAY, THURSDAY***

I started writing the above entry yesterday but had to postpone it because I was running late. Every thing else still stands. Sometimes I don't like the choices I'm making. I'm not being the most responsible person right now. I REALLY need to get back to the gym, get back into a routine of some kind. Not having a routine is damaging my psyche. I am the kind of person who NEEDS a routine. I don't feel very productive right now at all. I made a resolution to myself that I would get back into some kind of routine by next week, even if that means just going to the gym in the mornings and getting some exercise. It is really important to me to lose weight, now more than ever. How am I supposed to keep the attention of a younger guy if I am a big fat slob? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, if he loves me it shouldn't matter, blah blah blah, but the reality of it is is that he can love me all he wants to, he is still a guy..and a YOUNG one at that. I'm not being negative, I am being realistic. I think I will feel SO much better if I did it.

What's really amusing to me is that six months ago, I would have scoffed at Top 40 music. Now, I know every song on this one radio station I am always forced to listen to, called Club 93.7. (It's out of Flint, Michigan and you can listen to it online for free if you're interested.) I'm listening to it right now and poor Shawn is across the room in bed trying to sleep and trying NOT to giggle.

One of my very dear and closest and oldest friends is apparently going through some kind of crisis so it's my turn to be supportive. I am looking forward to it! Someone besides me is having love problems...actually, mine's not a problem...it's a fucking affliction.

God help us all!