To Aunt Sondra's Tim-Tees...I Love You

This is a post I originally wrote for Yahoo concerning my great nephew. I miss him so much I can't stand it, and I hope his mother reads this. I love her, too. This post was written on September 6th.

This is a letter to my great nephew, Timothy Lee. Most of you know the story, and those of you that don't, well, maybe you soon will.


Dear Tim-Tees,

I am writing this because I want you to know that I love you so much it makes my heart hurt, even now. The fact that I haven't seen you in seven months is devastating; not knowing if you are okay is even worse. I miss you so much, and long for the days when you used to live with me and I could come to you in a matter of seconds if you needed me. I miss the way you used to baby-babble and pull yourself up on my pant legs when you saw me making a bottle or getting your lunch ready. I miss the terror tantrums you used to throw when you were tired or when you weren't done eating yet and I made the grave mistake of taking a break to clean up your face. I miss the way you used to frantically crawl after me as I went to bathrom; and when I closed the door on you you would cry as if your little heart would break. I miss taking you to Wal-Mart and laughing at you as you slouched down in the cart, unable to hold yourself straight up yet. I miss packing you up to take you everywhere with me. I miss waking up to the sweet sounds of your laughter as you woke up in the morning, always content to play for a while before demanding attention. I miss your fat little feet, your big beautiful brown eyes, and even your stinky diapers. You were like my own child, and even your mother and father acknowledge and understand that fact. Even though I don't know when I will see you again, I am still grateful for every day that you were around, from the time you were two months old until you were almost nine months old. We were very close, and though you may not remember that now, I do. I have pictures to prove it, and video too. I miss you as if you were my own child, and my goal is to someday be reunited with you when you are still a child so that we can re-bond. My love for you will never change, Timothy, and I think about you every single day of my life. I wish I could hold you and kiss you, and I will someday...just not today. And there is NO ONE on this earth that could ever replace you in my heart. You hold your very own, very special part. No other child will ever be as close to me as you were, and that is a fact. I have every reason to believe that I will be able to see you and hold you and smell you and love you again. That's the hope that keeps me hanging on.

As for your mom and dad, well, right now I am not very happy with your dad. He and I are very, very close, much like brother and sister, and he senses that I am not happy with him. We will work it out, though. And your mother...I love your mom as much as I love you. She is a special girl, very smart and very funny. She is also a good mom to you, and wants the best for you that she can give. I have to remind myself that's why things are the way they are now. She doesn't like it either, I know, but when the time is right, things will change. Your mom will always be part of me, and be close to my heart. It's hard for people to get close to your Aunt Sondra, but she did. I trust her to make the best decisions for you. She loves you more than anything, little man. Maybe someday you'll realize how lucky you are to have so many wonderful people who love you. Or perhaps we love you because you are so special, and you just can't help it. At any rate, you are loved more than you could ever imagine.


So, with that in mind, Tim-Tees, I am going to end this letter now. Writing this is extremely painful, and it's hard to make other people understand what I am going through. When you are old enough to understand, I will show this to you so that you can see that you are never going to be completely off my mind, not even for a minute. I love you, baby boy. Give your mom hugs and kisses for me and try not to forget about me.


Loving You,
Sondra