Weekends

I am growing to hate weekends now. I have nothing to do. I find myself itching and scratching and foaming at the mouth to get out of the house. Right now, I'm as broke as can be so actually doing anything that costs money is out of the question. My husband, who, when I was going out with my friends and actually enjoying my life, wanted to spend every waking minute with me and was coming up with all kinds of ideas for things to do. Would you believe that now that I have nothing to do, he is perfectly content to LAY in bed ALL DAY watching TV and sleeping his life away? Unbelievable.

I am so bored and feel so very stagnant. Nothing is happening here. There is nothing to do. I am tired of looking at the same motherfuckers day in and day out. I want to get the fuck out. If I could, I would. Not having anyone to talk to about it is even worse. I don't know what the fuck is going on with Lynn lately, nor do I have the energy to care. I have no time for people who can't be there for me. I really don't have any other friends that I trust or want to hang out with so I spend the majority of my time reading or playing Magicball on the computer. I have work to do, and that's my goal this week...to finish all my work. Then what? Then I sit here and stagnate some more. Shawn thinks I am kidding when I tell him I am going to end up in the loony bin if all I can do with my life is sit here and stare at these walls. I'm too young to feel this fucking old.

I'm very flighty, by nature, and I can't stand sitting in one place for long. I really feel like taking a road trip. A long one. If I had the means and the time, I would go someplace far, like Vegas, and gamble all my money away. Or I'd head to the desert, park right outside of Tucumcari, and take it all in like I did when I was 19. I need some "me" time desperately. I have a lot of things I am trying to work through and need to be alone, but I am never alone. I don't want to work right now, and I can't commit myself to anything else due to other people who are living in my house that depend on me. But just once, I would like to take off and let everyone worry themselves sick about where I am and what I'm doing. The thing is, I don't think anyone would really care all that much. People don't worry about me at all, and I guess that's because I am so fiercely independent that they don't dare. That's fine, I guess.

I despise the TV. I only watch Nick at Nite. I can't stand all these modern sitcoms that have skinny girls showing off their belly buttons. They're so superficial. I also hate movies, except for the fact that I just watched The Wedding Crashers and now I have a big ass crush on Vince Vaughn. (Goddamn, he's yummy. Height really turns me on. He's 6'5".) The only thing I have left is writing. So here I am. Rambling on endlessly all in the name of entertainment. I guess I'll end this now. I have nothing substantial to say. I wish I had a story to tell, but since I am just sitting here rotting my life away, I have nothing left to say.