Fucking Silly Fucks

This is kind of a blurry and bad quality picture of me taken in 2004, probably in the summer. WHAT happened to my hair? I look like I stepped out of the 80's. It was long and curly and wild at that time, but this picture makes me look as if I have a lion's mane or something. Anyway, I chose it because at the point that this picture was taken, I had lost a good amount of weight and you can see it in my face. I didn't mind smiling in my pics then.

Today was a bad day. I feel like shit. I want to yell at everyone. Actually, I want everyone to leave my house and leave me alone. I feel like I don't spend enough time on "me." Is that selfish? I feel selfish writing this. But I would like to spend one day worrying about no one else but me. Oh well.

I felt like shit all day, but now that I feel a little better, I'm trapped in here because its almost midnight and the only thing I can do is work on the computer. I hope I'm not getting what I call "night owl syndrome" like I seem to do between each semester. Where I stay up until 3 or 4 am and sleep until noon. No, thanks. I would rather be up early, like Ashley is every morning, and walk and be in a good mood. She's usually in a good mood, and she is about to have a big ass baby any day. So I guess I need to tighten up.

I broke the mouse on the computer today. I had a little fit over something and smacked it down on the desk so hard that a little piece of plastic broke inside it. Then I yelled for twenty minutes while Shawn tried to find our old mouse to replace it with. (This is why I never throw anything away.) He found it and fixed it, so now I have to use a shitty mouse. And I'm also mad because I am flat broke, but that is my own fault. I didn't balance my checkbook properly and bounced a check. I fixed it using Shawn's savings, which broke us both. I hate not having any money. It makes me feel like I'm in prison. I should get a job, but I don't want that added stress. I think it would completely break me. People think I am really strong, but I am on the verge of breaking almost every day. Added responsibility would make it worse. It's not that I am lazy. It's just that if I had ONE MORE THING to do that I COULD NOT avoid, I would probably throw myself in the lake and stay there. Well, not really, but you get the picture.

This weekend I added a new, but hilarious word, to my vocabulary. I heard it on a movie. The word is FUR BURGER. As in crotch, snatch, etc. I said this word to my drunk and gay friend, Jamie, on Friday while we were bowling and she turned right around and said it to someone else, who gasped as if she were going to have a heart attack. The last thing she expected was for Jamie to call her a "fur burger." That was so funny I almost peed my pants. I am going to go around and say it to people just to watch their reactions. It IS kind of vulgar. AND gross. And SO TOTALLY up my alley.