MAD at my EX

This here is a picture of me and Leah, taken sometime in March of 1996.

I'm not going to get into the Leah story, people. I had a girlfriend for four years. (1995-1999). Most of my friends refer to her as my first husband. This is her. Period.

Without getting into the ins and outs of our relationship, I just want to say that our breakup was an amicable one. Not at first. There was a lot of animosity and hurt feelings, but when we both realized that the relationship has simply run its course, we became very close. We were actually the best of friends. Leah was fiercely devoted to me and to my daughter. For a very long time after the breakup, Leah and Alexa still spent time together. Alexa would spend the night at her house, etc. Since Leah lives across the state, we would always meet halfway. She loved Alexa as if Alexa were her own child. She always did. Alexa was barely two when Leah and I moved in together, and was almost six when we broke up. Up until I married Shawn, Leah was the only parent Alexa ever knew besides me.

Shortly after we broke up for good, I moved to Kentucky and Leah developed a relationship with someone else. I'm going to call her Jenny. Jenny had children from a previous marriage and Leah and I had several conversations about that. I was worried that Leah would disengage herself from Alexa because of her closeness to Jenny and her children. Leah assured me that her relationship with those kids was different than the one she had with Alexa, and she was right. Over time, I met Jenny and liked her immediately. Her kids were very close in age to Alexa, and Alexa spent several overnights in their house, getting to know the kids and Jenny. Everyone got along great. Leah didn't really like me talking to Jenny (she is a very jealous person) but I would anyway. She didn't have to worry about me liking Jenny. I was all stuck up the PWF's ass.

Leah and Jenny continued to spend time with Alexa up until we moved to Florida, and then the contact completely stopped. I didn't pursue it either, because I was so wrapped up in my own life. It wasn't until this year, when someone pointed out to me that Alexa was very much like Leah, that I began wondering why Leah didn't want to see Alexa anymore. She always referred to Alexa as "her kid." So, after several months of wondering how to approach it, I finally caught her online and asked her if she still wanted to see Alexa. Her response was that she ALWAYS wanted to see Alexa, but that she was afraid of having Alexa taken out of her life permanently when I moved to Florida. I told her that was silly; she was Alexa's other half; why the hell wouldn't I make sure she got to see her? I then said that all was not lost and that since I was back in Michigan, this time at least until Alexa graduates, why doesn't she see her now? She said she would think about it and get back to me.

Leah is a very reliable person, so I agreed to let her have her time and think about it. She and Jenny are still together, almost seven years now. I know that Jenny has absolutely no issues with Alexa being around..we've talked about it. Jenny is more easygoing and laid back, like me, whereas Leah can be a little uptight. So I left it alone and decided that when Leah was ready to talk to me about it, she would.

I am still waiting.

About two weeks ago, I wrote her an email about it and asked her to please let me know. Alexa deserves to have both of her original parents in her life. She hasn't forgotten Leah, not by a long shot, even though it's been nearly four years since they've seen each other. She has not written me back and I feel she is avoiding the issue. I am not going to push her, because Leah has her reasons. I am disappointed, though, very much so, because whatever her reasons are, they are not good enough. Alexa loves her, and I KNOW Leah loves her. Doesn't it seem silly to go through this all over a stupid matter of protocol? I don't get it. Maybe Leah thinks that too much time has gone by so that now there is no point in pursuing a relationship with Alexa. I honestly don't know what she's thinking. I used to be able to read her mind with no problem. Now I can only guess.

I have never had anything bad to say about her, and I still don't. Leah is a very dynamic person and those who knew her would agree. A little controlling, a little jealous, maybe, but loyal and very driven. Alexa has somehow adopted her exact sense of smart ass humor and her taste for jeans and tee shirts. Her voice is similar to Leah's. They have so much in common. I just wish they could both see it. Seems like such a shame to be missing out on so much.

P.S. I look so cute in this picture. I wish my hair was still that color. That's my natural hair color. Now, it's mousy brown with LOTS of gray. Matter of fact, I need to dye it again soon. Jesus, I'm getting old. When this picture was taken I wasn't even 19 yet. (SIGH)