Trials and Tribulations

I am absolutely beside myself right now. I decided to write about this in a public forum because I figured I could use the help and the advice.

This kid of mine has been so rotten lately. I mean, downright defiant. She simply does not give a fuck. I mean, there are some things that she has never really given a fuck about, such as her behavior and performance in school. But now she doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything, and she doesn't care who she pisses off. This is what's beeng going on.

This kid has had the same chores for four years or more. They never change and are always the same. Every once in a while, I'll ask her to do a little something else and she will drag it on and procrastinate until I just do it myself, which is her goal in the first place. Her chores are to scoop out the kitty litter boxes (we have two) every day or at least every other day, take out the kitchen trash when it's full, take the two trash cans out to the road, and keep her bathroom clean. That's it. Oh, and take care of her dog, which she does just barely. While I was in Florida, she got into a huge fight with my dad because he accused her of not taking care of Riley properly. While he was overreacting a little bit, there was some truth to his accusations.

The day before yesterday, Alexa brought home a detention slip for me to sign. She was given detention due to being disrespectful (blantantly) to a teacher. We talked about it and I signed the slip, which she "forgot" to take to school. The disciplinary officer, Opal, called me to confirm that I knew Alexa had detention and we spoke on the phone for about ten minutes while she explained to me that the group of girls that Alexa is hanging out with is constantly in trouble and that she doesn't know what happened to my once somewhat well behaved child. I explained to Opal that although there is no excuse for rude and insubordinate behavior, that there had been a lot of changes in our home in the last few months and that Alexa is probably having some trouble adjusting. After we hung up, I decided it was probably time to call the insurance company and see what kind of therapy is covered under her current plan. (Her father now provides her insurance. YAY! No more Medicaid.) It's time to nip this thing in the bud.

A few hours later, I get a phone call from Opal, who proceeds to tell me that I need to come up to the school for a conference with her and Alexa, because evidently Alexa became rude and disresepectful in detention and was kicked out. I flew up to the school where I had an hour and a half long conference with Opal and Alexa. I won't get into any details just because it would take too long, but what we did was basically confront her about what might be bothering her. She said she was tired of the school and the snobs there, etc, but what I really think is that our home life is affecting her this way. I explained to Opal that I am in the process of divorcing, and that I have a new relationship that is not always stable and that Alexa had been exposed to it too much. (Honestly, this is where I think her disrespectful mouth comes from.) She, too, thought it might be a good idea to get us into some kind of family therapy. I explained that I haven't been around a lot and that my focus hasn't been on her and I. I wanted everyone to know that I do understand where this stuff is coming from. It doesn't make it any less stressful, though.

Last night, I went and took the last few dollars I had and instead of buying fast food or wasting it on something stupid, I went to the grocery store (with Alexa) and bought stuff to make a huge spaghetti dinner. We came home, cleaned a little bit together, and cooked together. We all sat down at the table and ate together like a family, like we used to, and she happily chattered on and on about school. Alexa is a really neat kid and I love her personality, I just can't stand her disrespectful mouth. I made sure I told her this, just not in so many words. She cleared the table without me asking her to, which was nice. I think that was therapy in itself, me being home and spending time with her. Usually she is busy with friends or when I ask her if she wants to go places with me she says no. So I don't want people to think I'm leaving her at home all the time and abandoning her; she doesn't want to go half the time. Yesterday we hung out all day and it was nice.

This morning is trash day. I was awake a little after eight when Alexa brought Riley into my room. I told her to have a good day and then I got up and picked up the kitchen a bit. I noticed that the kitchen trash was full, and I got a sneaking suspicion that the trash had not been taken out to the road. I looked out the front door and sure enough, there it was...by the porch. I sighed and did it myself, but now I'm pissed. It makes no sense. When I was in Florida, she did not do ONE of her chores, not ONE. So imagine the smell when I walked in the door...two full kitty litter boxes that had not been cleaned or changed for a week and a half or more. Kristi and Mike's room really reeked like kitty litter since once of the boxes is right by their door. Supremely pissed off, I picked up the kitty litter box that was right next to their room and put it in HER small room and closed the door. (She was sleeping at Grandpa's that night.) It stayed in there until almost 4PM the next day when she got home from school, and I know it didn't smell pleasant. I explained to her that that's how Kristi and Mike had to live, so, since she was too lazy to clean them out, that she could sit there and smell it instead. She didn't like that too much....but she cleaned them out. After much arguing and stalling. Then, last night, when I explained to Kristi what I did, she told me that while I was gone she asked Alexa to clean out the kitty litter boxes so that the house would be clean when I got home and Alexa's response was, "No. It's not my job." Kristi said, "Well, then, are you not going to do it, then?" Alexa said, "No, I'm not." Kristi said, "Well, I'll make sure I tell your mother you said that, then." Can you believe this shit? Not her JOB? WHAT?

So I don't know what to do. Grounding her doesn't work, because she is really sneaky and I don't have the energy to watch her every fucking move. Beating her doesn't work, just because I don't like to hit. (Although lately I've thought about giving her a good slap right in the fucking mouth, but the problem is that she knows it's coming and can outrun me). I don't know what to do. I want to take responsibility for my part of it, but she needs to take responsibility also. I don't know how to make her do that. She doesn't do anything I ask her to do anymore and everything I say turns into a fucking five hour screaming match....very similar to my relationship with Bryan. Anyone else see a pattern here?

I am so frustrated. Short of boot camp or shipping her off to live with her father I have run out of ideas. Boot camp would be great, I think, along with some therapy. Anyone have any ideas? I have already made it a resolution to be home more, and to include her in things whether she likes it or not. I came to this conclusion while I was in Florida. I want to see if anything improves as our home life slowly stabilizes, but I don't want to wait too long. So if there are any suggestions out there I would like to hear them.