Let's Try This Again

Last night was horrible. My friends Mike and Kristy are getting married tomorrow, and after four years of what can best be described as a tumultous relationship, they both think that marriage is the key for them. (I don't know if this is the right idea, but it is their decision to make.) So, predictably, Bryan, Dave and Mike decide they're going out to party. One last hurrah, if you will. So I gave Bryan $20 and they all left in Kristy's Cadillac. Bryan assured me he would be home and no, he promised he wouldn't be mean if he was drunk, and yes, they would call if they needed a ride. At about 1 AM, Mike called Kristy and told her he'd be home a little after two. The trusting soul that I am, I decide to lay down and sleep until he gets home. At 2:30 AM, I wake up with a pounding heart and a deep sense of dread I could not explain. I went out into the living room and woke Kristy up and told her what time it was. She immediately called Bryan's phone, since Mike lost his about a week ago, and was sent straight to voice mail. Pissed, we both sat there waiting to see if they would call us back. At 3:15 AM, Mike called and told Kristy that they had just dropped Dave off and that they would be home in about twenty minutes. At ten minutes to four, Kristy called Dave, who was obviously lying when he said that they had dropped him off "fifteen minutes ago."

So now we're pissed. I am actually sitting there thinking that Bryan is probably in the middle of something that he doesn't want to be in. I know how much he loves Kristy, but Mike is his "boy." Mike has a history of cheating, and being very sneaky about it, so I am sitting there wondering what is going on. Bryan is avoiding me, and for no reason. So being the hothead that I am, I decide to drive past his house and see if he was home. He wasn't.

Kristy asked me to drive past the house that she owns. Her and Mike fled that house in terror over a month ago due to a very volatile situation. It is not safe there. She left everything she owned in that house and will not go back there without a police escort. Anyway, she asks me to drive by and I shrug and say, "Why not?" It's a quarter after five in the morning, and no one seems to be around. Imagine my shock and surprise when, as I drive by, not only do I see the Cadillac in the driveway but I also see a FAT BITCH with braids come walking out. I yelled, "Who the fuck is THAT bitch?" while Kristy begged me to turn around and go back to her driveway. I flipped my lights off two houses away and pulled into the driveway, pulling my hair back with a hair tie because it looked like there was a good chance I was going to have to kick the shit out of someone. I let Kristy go in first, and when she came back out a minute later, she was crying and red faced and told me that there was no one in there but Bryan and Mike. Feeling a little sheepish and ashamed of myself for hunting him down, I stepped quietly in the house and the first sight that greeted me was liquor and beer bottles everywhere, stuff spilled all over the floor, and Bryan nodding off on the couch. It was obvious that he was beyond intoxicated, so I left him alone. He snapped his head up once to look at me and the look on his face was that of pure shame and guilt. I think he was also quite surprised. I walked over to him and spoke to him in low tones: "Baby, do you want me to take you home?" He shrugged and wouldn't look at me. Kristy and Mike were arguing and Mike was drunk out of his mind, telling Kristy SHE fucked up for good this time, and to get out of his face, bitch, etc. I sat down at the kitchen table and stared at Bryan, who looked pitifully out of it. I decided to light a cigarette and when I picked the lighter up off the table that's when I noticed a condom wrapper just sitting there, open. I stuck my hand in it to see if it was wet, and it was. And it was the same exact kind of condoms that we use. We HAVE to use a certain kind. And here it was, just chilling on the kitchen table. I picked it up and showed it to Kristy and said, "What the fuck is this?" Bryan's head snapped up, and then back down. She said, "I found that upstairs the other day and I brought it down here to let Mike know that I know that SOMEONE was fucking over here." I said, "But these are the condoms me and Bryan use." I was so fucking shocked you could have pushed me over with a feather. But then it gets worse.

I sat there and looked at the condom wrapper for a minute, and then I decided I was leaving, with or without Bryan. I couldn't think of anything to say, I was so completely frozen. I picked up my purse and keys and walked out the door. Bryan was right behind me and got in my front seat with me. I said nothing as I drove him back to his house, which is less than a ten minute drive. He didn't say anything either, just sat there with his eyes closed. I pulled up in the driveway and stared straight ahead. I didn't trust myself to speak, because I didn't want to jump the gun and accuse him of something he didn't do, but my mind was churning with all kinds of thoughts of him being with someone else. He finally looked at me and said something, I can't remember what, but it wasn't in a nice tone of voice. I quietly told him I didn't want to argue with him. I explained that I needed some time to think about what just happened. I reminded him that he had promised me that there would be no bullshit, just a few guys having a good time. He began yelling, asking me if I was going to "start my shit again." I quietly said, "No, I'm not starting anything. I just want to go home. Please get out of my car." He refused for a minute and when I didn't argue with him like he wanted me to, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two more condoms of the same kind that were at the house and said, "Dave gave me these," and tossed them in my direction. I laughed and asked why, and he got mad and said, "Because I wanted to surprise you. Be all spontaneous and shit." I replied, "Well, it was a big surprise, that's for sure." This made him even madder, for some reason. Am I really to believe that his best friend, who happens to be married and has been married for five years AND does not cheat on his wife, would give Bryan the same EXACT kind of condoms we use? Please. I am NOT retarded.

Finally, he opened the door and stood there staring at me. He looked pretty mean so I wouldn't look back at him, and finally he slammed the door and walked up to the porch. I drove to my apartment immediately, where I called Kristy and told her about the condom incident. She said that three of the twelve condoms that were in her drawer at home were missing, also. What the fuck were they doing???

When Kristy and Mike got back to the apartment, I refused to speak to Mike for a few minutes, I was so angry. When I finally did talk to him, he assured me that Bryan didn't do anything, that he was totally innocent, blah blah blah. I then turned to Mike and said, "Did you guys do any coke?" He looked at me, hesitated for a moment, and said, "Yes. Yes we did." It was then that I started to cry.

I don't know where I stand now. I know I have been clean and sober for a long time. I also know that Bryan is a little bit retarded and falls under peer pressure easily, but that is no excuse for a grown man. I could use some advice, because my relationship with him is so complex that I could never have the time to dissect it here. I love him, but not enough to sacrifice myself.

So. I will try again to post this video, which is really stupid.

http://www.vidiLife.com/video_play_828772_Silly_Bryan.htm?tc=227615