Funny Shit

I thought I would write something a little more lighthearted than usual.

I thought I would share what I like to call "Bryanisms."

Bryan has his own manner of speaking, which I attribute to his Libra sign. I like the fact that he is his own person and doesn't care who knows it, but sometimes, he can be stressful.

One night, Alexa was really dressed like a tomboy and Bryan started teasing her, asking her if she was gay. I told him to stop it, but Alexa seemed to be able to handle her own, and started teasing him back. We went to Meijer's to go grocery shopping, and he took it too far and made her cry. She stalked ahead of us in the aisle and bumped right into some girls who were shopping, too. They took one look at her, and then glared at Bryan.

"You're mean," one of them said. "You need to APOLOGIZE."

So Bryan rolled up his shirt, tied it in a knot right above his belly button, and right there in Meijer's, in front of everyone, began prancing up and down the aisles, following Alexa, and loudly declaring, "I'm gay! I'm gay, everybody!" I got the hell out of there so people wouldn't know he was with me. I was pretty embarassed. When he finally caught up to me, a stockboy walked by and Bryan said to him, "I'm not really gay." The guy looked at him like was nuts, smiled, and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "Who cares?" I have to agree. I cussed him out for embarassing me...but I smiled when I was doing it.

There was also this one time that I picked him up from the bar and he was pretty drunk. He asked me to go through the drive through at Taco Bell so I did. While we were in line, we started bickering and he got belligerent. He got out of the car, in line, and threatened to moon me. I was able to coax him back into the car that time. However, the people behind us were interested and started watching us. I asked him to please shut up and just order his food and he said, "No!" I said, "Bryan, will you please just act right? People are looking at us." He said, "So?" When the lady came on the speaker and asked us what we wanted to order, Bryan leaned over me and literally yelled through the window, "YEAH! SONDRA'S MAD AT ME BECAUSE--" at which point I yelled, "Shut up!" and attempted to drive away. But I forgot that once you're in the drive through lane at that particular Taco Bell, you're stuck. So I drove over the curb to get out of there, and in my rearview mirror, I could see the people behind us cracking up. Not one of my more graceful moments.

And, more recently, we got into argument that he decided to end by getting out of the car and walking home. I followed him down the road, trying to get him back in the car, because it was almost three in the morning and we were in a pretty bad area. I had also been drinking, and I was scared to drive alone. He refused over and over again, and finally we caught the attention of a few guys in a white car who pulled up next to Bryan and said, "Hey man, is everything all right? You all right?"

Bryan said, "Yeah, it's all right," as he continued to walk.

"Do you want a beer?" one of them asked.

"No, I'm good," he said.

One of the guys had been eyeing me and finally spoke up. "Are you sure everything is all right?" he asked Bryan.

"Yeah," Bryan replied. "It's just my drunk girlfriend trying to run me over."

As if it happens every day, or something.