For Angie.....

Hey Angie....I changed my music. Do you like this music? I thought you might like this song better than the other one. This one is relevant, too.

So, anyway..time for a little truth now. I have been completely sober for NINE DAYS. That is NINE DAYS of the following:

Waking up before 5 PM.

Eating real food.

Not grinding my jaw so hard that I wake up the next day with an aching mouth.

Not feeling as if I'm going to puke.

Not being mean.

Not beating the shit out of Bryan for no reason.

Not waking up, lifting my head up, and seeing holes in the walls, blood on the sheets, and doors laying flat down on the floor. (Yes, this has really happened.)

Not waking up with a ringing headache.

Not avoiding my friends and family because I feel like a big old piece of shit.

Getting things done that are supposed to be done, such as signing up for classes and paying bills.

Having WAY more money.

Not waking up with unexplained bruises.

Not having sore sinuses that are constantly clogged and sometimes bleed.

Not having eyes than run constantly because my sinuses hurt so bad.

Not having a filthy house that is always empty.

Not having sex that I cannot even remember the next day.


The last time I partied was the first night we were on the beach in Pensacola. I drank so much that when me and Ricky and Bryan went down to the beach, I fell face first in the sand, and, unable to move, could only mutter, "Help. Help. Help." Once they helped me off the ground, I jumped into the pool with all my clothes on. When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't hung over, but I decided I had had enough of the bullshit. So far, it's been wonderful. I really feel much better. I don't care if I ever see that white shit again, nor do I care if I ever touch liquor again. It makes me mean. I don't like being mean.

I am not familiar with the Sondra I was this summer. I don't like that person. I am happy now. I feel back to my old self, and this time, it's permanent.

I love you all.