Anonymous Posters, etc.

Here's the deal...

I don't mind when people post anonymously..because you can. However, if you're going to make a snotty and/or smart ass comment, please at least have the balls to identify yourself. I do have to agree with my anonymous hater though...yes, thank God there are NO pictures of me in a bathing suit. WHY would I post pictures of myself in a bathing suit? That was just a stupid comment made completely out of context. Seems to me someone is just trying to be mean in a pussy ass way. If you're going to bash me, that's perfectly fine. But at least have the BALLS to identify yourself.

Moving on....

Things are going well. I am nineteen days sober, and I feel great, although sometimes when the stress becomes too much to handle it can be a struggle staying that way. So far, I have not fallen off the wagon. I am paying my bills and staying straight and spending more time with my family. That's why this song is on my website now.

Bryan and I are still strong, stronger than ever, even though he likes to aggravate me sometimes. And when I get pissed off and say, "I am too old for this shit," he agrees by saying, "Yeah, you're right. You are too old; you're THIRTY." And then I yell, "I am NOT thirty yet, I am STILL TWENTY NINE." He will reply, "Ahh, you're thirty." It's times like those when I want to strangle him. But then I think of all the nice things he does for me. For example, yesterday, when I was on my way out here, Alexa called me in a panic and said that she reached into her bunny cage to play with her bunny Sam, and that Sam was dead. She was crying and hysterical and I rushed out here to her. When I got here, Bryan went and borrowed a garden shovel from a neighbor, got a shoebox and a towel, and dug Sam a nice little grave out in the backyard complete with flowers and "last words." He didn't mind that he was wearing his nice clothes, or that he was sweating rivers, or that it was starting to rain. He just did it.

Or the night that I listened to this song that is playing on my website now. I listened to it in its entirety and abruptly got up from the kitchen table, went into my room, closed the door, and bawled into my pillow. I didn't realize how much it was going to affect me, or how much catching up I have to do on all the emotions I have stifled for the past four months. Bryan left me alone for about five minutes, and then came into the bedroom, sat with me on the bed, and, instead of trying to talk to me, just held my hand and rubbed my back instead. He later said he wasn't quite sure what I was so upset about, but he knew it had to do with the drug abuse and my family. He also knew him being near me and offering me physical comfort was enough. Later that night, when I fell into bed exhausted, he was right there with his arms around me and I felt safe and loved.

Ever since the night that a bunch of crazy (scary) shit went down at Kristy and Mike's house, we have been so much closer. Now I know for sure he loves me. I am no longer as insecure as I used to be, although I am a *touch* jealous. Shit, who am I kidding? I am jealous as hell. I am not used to being jealous; I am not normally the jealous type. This is a whole new experience for me. I am so sick of "bitches" staring at him. He looks good now...his adolescent acne is gone, he wears nice clothes and shoes, he's funny, and has a brilliant, winning smile that I just LOVE. There is no way to ignore that infectious smile. And when he goes around flashing it at everyone, I feel like jumping in front of him and saying, "Don't look or I will beat your ass." I don't want to become one of those women that scroll through his call list on his phone, or who don't even trust him to leave the house for five minutes, because that would make for a miserable existence. He has never given me any reason NOT to trust him. He goes where he says he's going, and he always comes back when he says he's going to. So all in all, even though I have to deal with some adolescent bullshit sometimes, I do feel pretty lucky. Plus, we both hate onions, love the color blue, and can debate on ANY subject. THAT'S love.