I'm getting real tired of feeling like I'm living in airsealed container. I'm tired of not being able to breathe, of waking up anxious, of feeling like anywhere and everywhere I go, people are talking about me. I am tired of living in fear of leaving my house. I so, so badly want to work but I can't seem to summon up enough courage to go out and fill out applications. If I actually got called in for an interview, I don't know what I would do. I am isolating some of my friends and my family because of my deep hatred for the phone. I hate the phone, people. I truly do, and the only reason I even have a phone is because I feel like I need one, but I don't like answering it. In fact, I rarely answer it. Bryan will usually answer it for me and take a message, even though it's my cell phone. I just can't handle talking on the phone. I don't want to talk to anyone who isn't already on my comfort level. That level depends on the day.

I woke up this morning all tied up in knots. I am counting down the days until I go see a therapist. (Thursday). I cannot wait. I am going to spill my guts and almost certainly cry about all the changes that have taken place in me in the last year. Most of them not good. And I need something to help me relax, because, frankly, my herbal remedies can be pretty expensive. I simply cannot live like this anymore and I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is far, far away.