A Better Bowailey

A few nights ago, Bryan came over to spend time, and he hasn't left yet. All I know is that I am very happy about this. We have spent hours talking about our future, our relationship, and the things that have happened in the past. I feel so much better. I never realized how many things about myself needed work until now. I mean, I knew it, but I didn't actively try to change them because I didn't really care how I came across to people. Now, I have to watch myself because if I don't, I might lose him again. That is not something I can bear to think about.

What's so funny to me is that he actually loves me just as much as I love him. I can see it. It is such a relief to be near him again and to be sharing my time with him. I missed him so much....I feel complete now.

A lot of lessons were learned through this experience, but it wasn't all bad. Yes, I was a suffering, miserable wreck but I did get to spend a lot of time with Alexa without the distraction of everyone else, and then this magical thing happened: Her mouth, which runs constantly, stopped being disrespectful, she started listening to me, she did things when I asked her to do them, and she treated me with respect. We spent a lot of time talking and we got much closer. She hasn't argued with me or raised her voice to me in over a week. I have learned that the way to communicate with Alexa is to be honest with her without yelling or threatening; she responds to this very well. Spending time with her is fun; the first night Bryan came over, we all went to the movies and saw The Pursuit of Happyness which struck me in a very personal way. (I won't even get into it...just watch the movie.) For the last two months or so, Bryan and I have included Alexa in just about everything we did, and that is not going to change now. It has done absolute wonders for our family. Now, when we have a conflict, I think everything will be resolved quickly and more efficiently; we all understand each other.

So, Bryan leaving me was an experience I know I will never forget. Learning how to be honest with him is going to be hard. I get so frustrated with certain things that we have to deal with in our relationship, and instead of just simply telling him that these things bother me, I have just been keeping it all inside and letting it explode when I get angry. But he seems to appreciate me being honest with him, too, and you know what? It feels good to say, "You know what Bryan? That whole situation really irritates me, but I'm not irritated with YOU personally...let me tell you what it is that bothers me...." rather than pretending nothing is wrong and getting doubly frustrated. So far, so good.

Until next time...