Goodbyes

I have to end this.

I am ending it tonight.

I hope God gives me the strength, because I am going to need it.

Every once in a while, you meet someone who comes into your life unexpectedly and makes it so wonderful and happy that you never seem to have your feet on the ground. Sometimes, however, reality sets in and crashes you back to the ground. This is what is happening to me. I cannot deal with this situation the way I have been. I care a lot about this guy, but the truth is, I feel as if he will never love me. Don't ask how or why I feel that way, and it's not for the reasons most people will think. I just don't think he is ever going to love me. He shows me his feelings...he cares...a lot...and he's affectionate and sweet and thoughtful and caring and downright fucking loyal to a fault...but I am afraid that in the end, it will not be enough.

I wrote him a letter which I will give to him tonight. We are going to the bar with some friends and I intend to have a great time. I am not going to give the letter to him until we get back to the room. He is going to be very upset...but I will end up being more upset if I try to convince myself that this man can love me when I know he can't. I have to watch out for myself first. The sad thing is, we were great friends first and even though we still are, there is no way I can continue to have any contact with him. I am going to be essentially losing the best friend I have had since the death of my friend Heather. All because of my stupid heart. I have no sense when it comes to matters of the heart..none.

Strength. I need strength.

***I added this song to my profile because it seems to fit. It's making me so sad, though.***