New Addition To The Family!

These are pictures of my new great nephew, Roman Giovanni, who entered this godforsaken world on November 27 at 8:13 AM. He is a cuddly little bundle of joy who hardly ever makes a sound and we just love him. We already have a nickname for him, which is "Man Babe"...since we already call his big sister, Bella, "Babe." Enjoy the pics!
Got milk?

Me, my crazy hair, and this beautiful boy.

What kind of a baby smiles on the first day of life? One in our family, of course!

Me and Roman in his little gangster baby gear.

Mom and Roman. His face looks like that because he has long nails and he scratched his face up a little in the womb, but he's aight. :)

Dad and Roman.

Babe and Man Babe.

The Babes are sleeping.

Catching Up In Pictures

It's been so long since I've updated this blog. I haven't hardly done any writing at all, because I've been so busy. Taking care of this house and working and being a parent really does take up most of my time. WOW. Who would've thought I would have NO time to write?

I decided to update this blog with pics of me and my co workers and Bryan. I can't say where I work or what I do, just because I need to protect my own privacy from haters that are related to me and protect the privacy of these people as well.

I love them all! They are like my family. There are some pics that didn't make it to my blog, but maybe I'll post them later. These were all taken at the very end of September, when we had our picnic. Bryan came and cooked on the big grill for everyone, since no one in the office wanted to do it. We had a blast all day, hanging out and eating and just having fun. We barely worked at all that day! The next day after that, we had a bachelorette party for one of the girls who got married last month. It was so much fun!!!!

All I do is work, take care of the house, and make sure Alexa has what she needs. She made the junior varsity basketball team this year and I really can't wait to start going to the games. She is getting good grades in school and seems to enjoy the bigger environment that she is in. (It's much more diverse.) She is really growing up, and it's kind of scary.

On another note, I got a letter from my other daughter, who was adopted at birth almost ten years ago. She and her mother both wrote me a letter and said they would like to speak to me. I am so nervous! I haven't seen either one of my children for almost ten years. It made me very happy, but I am not sure how to approach it yet. I did get some updated pics of them, and they are so big! She looks JUST like her dad while my son looks JUST like me. I just don't know what to say. Apparently, my daughter has some questions regarding her adoption and since I really don't know her, I'm not sure what to say. She wants to meet me and they think I still live in Michigan, so I have to handle that as well. I will update this blog when I do make that call, which I anticipate doing this weekend.

Anyway, everything is going well. I am very happy and content at this point in my life. I still deal with anxiety and depression, but on a much smaller scale. Now I throw myself into work when I feel myself getting blue, and it works. I use the weekends to reconnect with myself and to clean house and spend time with Alexa, since Bryan works in the mornings on the weekend. Things with him could not be better. I cannot tell you how much I love this little person who has evolved from a major league fuck up to a responsible and caring adult. You would have thought the world was ending for both of us two weeks ago, when I had to go out of town on business for two days. I cried when I left because I am such a homebody and I didn't want to leave my family. Bryan was choked up, too. It was really hard sleeping without him and being without him, but I learned a lot about my industry while I was gone and it helped me revive my career. Everything was that much better when I returned home.

So, that's it in a nutshell. We are eagerly anticipating the arrival of my new great nephew who should be making his appearance right around the 27th of this month. Last week I went out and spent some money on him, buying him clothes and diapers and other essentials. It made me really long for one of my own. I just can't wait for him to get here so I can cuddle and spoil. I love being an aunt, albeit a "GREAT aunt", and Bryan loves the role, too. We are so family oriented! I can't wait until December 8th, which is when Dave is flying down to see us. In the meantime, we are preparing for the holiday season and Alexa's 14th birthday, which falls on Thanksgiving this year. Everything is wonderful!
This is our Admin Assistant. She's a ball of fire, man. Thick New York accent, tough, great sense of humor. I love her to death.
Me and one of my coworkers at the bar, probably after the buzz set in. I have been to the bar TWICE in the last eight months, and this night was different because I was out with the girls from my office and not Bryan. I had so much fun! I drank a little too much but not TOO much. We are going to have to go out again.
Me and another one of my coworkers. We were at a beachside bar, so the wind was blowing out hair all around. It made us look like models. LOL
Me and the bachelorette of honor. Can you say, "Sondra has a buzz"?
Me and Bryan at the picnic. SUCH a change from last year. SUCH a change.

I'm not sure who took this pic, but I love it because Bryan looks so cute in it. I don't know what my deal is lately, but I can't get enough of him, if you know what I mean. He's tired, folks, but I'm still ready to keep on going...and going...and going...and going.

Until Next Time,
Mz Bowailey

What's Up

I took this picture about three and a half years ago. Shawn and I were driving over to his parent's house and suddenly this little guy jumped out of the vent and into his lap. He didn't like that too much, and after I stopped laughing hysterically, I pulled over to try and help the little guy go back to nature. He didn't want to, so when we got to Shawn's parent's house, I recruited Alexa to get him out of the car. She showed absolutely no fear, coaxed the little guy out of the car, and didn't even complain when he peed in her hand. She set him out in the grass and away he went. I still wonder how he got in the car in the first place? I took this picture while we were parked because he jumped back into the air conditioning vent so we turned the air on full blast and he got stuck. Poor guy.

This week was interesting. Last Sunday night I had an attack of pain on my right side that was so intense and so painful that I couldn't breathe or speak. I walked around in circles, thinking it might be gas, but it didn't go away so I laid down on the couch on my stomach and it kind of went away a little bit. I felt drained and shitty afterward, so on Tuesday when I went to work, I worked a half a day and then came home and slept half the afternoon. On Wednesday morning, I woke up all tied up with anxiety, thrashing and tossing and turning, still not feeling well. I was crying hysterically so Bryan called my boss and told her that he was taking me to the ER. When we got there they hooked me up to all kinds of machines and put oxygen in my nose. Once they figured out that I didn't suffer a minor heart attack, as was originally thought, they determined through a urinalysis that I am having trouble with my gallbladder, which would explain the attack of pain I had. They gave me some medicine but I have to follow up with it. I spent the rest of the day Wednesday in bed and when I woke up Thursday I had some of my energy back. The last two days of the work week were uneventful but I am looking forward to going back on Monday so I can get myself back on track.

Eating is no longer fun, because certain things cause me a lot of pain. I don't know yet what to avoid, besides the obvious, like fast food, so it's kind of trial and error. I had steak and salad the other day and that really caused me some pain, but not until 2:00 in the morning. Let me tell you how much fun that was. I am getting really sick of all these medical problems but they're all piling up because I don't have medical insurance yet so I'm just kind of neglecting myself until I can afford my medications and the doctor visits. My energy level is very low, I have headaches a lot, and I am really swelling up from not having my thyroid medicine. I am not gaining any weight, however, I do look like I am because I am retaining so much water. I weigh myself about once a month and I have gained nine pounds since I've been in Florida but THAT'S IT. The reason why I'm not gaining huge amounts of weight right now is because I am off of my prescribed mood stabilizer, and that particular medicine does cause dramatic weight gain. Too bad I know this now instead of four years ago when I began taking it regularly. I gained something like 70 pounds or so, but I've lost most of that since I quit taking it. I am struggling with it right now because I know I am supposed to be taking something, but I just can't afford it, so as soon as my insurance kicks in, which will be early next month, I'll be making appointments all over the place. I really can't wait. Not only that, but I finally have dental coverage so I'll be getting my teeth professionally cared for for the first time in...fourteen years? Yeah, fourteen years. W O W. I guess I better get over the fear of dentists, because I'll bet you anything that a few painful procedures are ahead of me.

Well, that's it for an update for now.

Later,
Mz Bowailey

BUSY!

Does anyone else see the resemblance? LOL

Sorry that I haven't updated for a while. I've been working on another project and kind of abandoning my own personal journal. Today I decided it was finally time to update.

The job is going great! I am a whole different person than I was at this time a year ago. I cannot tell everyone how good it feels to go to work and be able to buy the things I need when I need them. My car has decided to go to shit, but it doesn't worry me because I know I can get a new car if I need one, with my OWN money. My bills are finally paid and now I feel like I can start fresh with everything. Bryan is finally working, and he couldn't be happier. He's making more money per hour than he's ever made, and he's making new friends. He hasn't earned a paycheck in a year, and I've already lost track of all the things he's going to do with his paycheck. (Gimme some money! Gimme some money! LOL) Our schedule works out great. On Mondays and Tuesdays, he has to be to work at 7, so I just get up early and get ready for work and take him to work and hang out at the house by myself until I have to leave, which isn't until about a quarter after eight. Then I pick him up on my lunch hour. Then he has Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off which allows him the time to run errands and other such things that I hate to do. For instance, one errand that he has to run this week is GROCERY SHOPPING, something we have both agreed that we CANNOT do together. I can't stand the grocery store and Bryan likes to take his time, so I handed that chore over to him. On Saturdays I get up and take him to work at 7 or 8, then I come home and clean the house...dusting, baseboards, dishes if there are any, laundry, floors, etc. That usually takes me a few hours, and then when he comes in we make dinner and hang out. On Sundays, when I take him to work, I try to find something to do. Last Sunday I took Serra and Bella out to brunch, which was a lot of fun. Can't do that this week because I'm too broke, or I would.

Being in a routine has really done wonders for the state of my mental health. I cannot lie in bed at all. I've tried. It's Monday, Labor Day, my day off, and here it is 7:35 A.M. and I've been up for an hour. I'm raring to go! I don't like sleeping in too late anymore. Most of the time I'm up by 7:30 on days that I don't have to work, and that is just fine with me. I had all of 2006 to lie around and sleep until three o clock in the afternoon. Now I try to find productive things to do. It improves my well being to feel that I'm accomplishing things. I call it "Sondra Therapy." LOL. Hey, I know what works for me.

Things are not perfect, and I don't know if they ever will be, but they ARE perfect compared to where I started from. I am happy and I feel stable and settled for the first time in a long time. Bryan and I are homesick like hell and being away from everyone is really miserable. Every day we wish we could be back at home. But we both know that we wouldn't have gotten this far at home. We had to change our environment. Moving down here has saved our relationship, and I guess it was just something we felt we had to do. Now that we're here, we're finally a normal, stable, and functioning team. I really want to start my own business someday, so there is a remote possibility that we will end up going back home, but not right now. I have a great job with wonderful benefits and I work with the best people I've ever worked with. I feel like we are part of a family. I've been open with my boss about my past: the drug use, the fighting, everything. That took some pressure off of me because, as it turns out, everyone that I work with has went through something similar. Now we just apply all that negative energy to work, which is why we are all moderately successful and good at what we do. Like my boss said at our meeting on Friday: everyone here has their own talent. I enjoy working and I look forward to going to work most of the time. It is NICE to be able to work. I appreciate every day now.

So that's it on the life of the Bowaileys. Everything is settled down and now my relationship is finally where I want it to be. Life, for the moment, is good.

Happily,
Mz Bowailey

My Absence

My absence is not due to me wanting to abandon this blog. Believe that. Things have just been moving steadily along at work and at home. Therefore, I have nothing all that interesting to write about.

I have been working on another project, one that I hope will be lucrative in the future. I may or may not reveal it here. Some people will have access to it, and some won't. When the time is right I'll talk about it.

Third Weekend

I did not update this blog this week because I have been incredibly busy at work. I had a very productive and fulfilling week, and I hope next week turns out to be the same.

Today I got up around nine and started doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. I talked on the phone a little, which is something I hate to do. Then I started watching the show "Matilda" on the family channel and fell right asleep with my mouth open. I woke up about an hour and a half later, feeling groggy. I still feel groggy. I absolutely can't wait for my insurance to kick in so I can see someone about my thyroid. I'm supposed to be taking medicine for it, but I have no insurance, so I haven't been. I've gained a little weight but I think that's because I've been living on coffee and Mountain Dew, no water or tea for a while. Today I am going to drink a gallon of water so that I can get a head start on flushing out my system. I feel dehydrated and it's yucky. Thankfully, my clothes still all fit pretty okay, but I freaked when I saw I had gained weight. That just cannot happen.

Life in Florida is still the same. Boring and hot. It was so hot today that I could hardly breathe outside and had to come back in. That's no fun either. It kind of limits the outdoor activities you can do. I can tell you right now I don't feel like sitting on the beach in sweltering heat. How is that fun? Most of the time I just come home from work and chill out at home. I stay out of trouble, spend time with Bryan, and write. It's fulfilling but I do miss my friends.

Well, I have nothing new to report, so with that being said, I'm going to sign off now.

Until next time,
Mz Bowailey

Second Weekend Off

(This picture was taken on June 1st. It's with a camera phone, which is why we look a little crazy.)


I just spent my whole weekend relaxing. I got out of the house for necessary things, of course, but for the most part I lazed around like a bear. I took a nap yesterday and today, and today I didn't even shower. Ahh, I love to indulge myself in laziness.

Most of my weekend was spent stressing about my job. There are two parts to it; one which I love, and the other part I don't like at all. I didn't realize how important TO my job the part that I hate is, and I got a talking to from my boss. Not a mean talking to...more like firm constructive criticism. It still stung and I fought back tears because the one word that I hate associated with me is FAILURE. I've analyzed it all weekend long, and I know now that sometimes failure is imminent even if you give it your best try. And giving it my best try is all I can do, and that's where I'll go from here. I really look forward to going to work and implementing some of my ideas into the things I do. It's great, because I am allowed to...it's encouraged, actually. This is refreshing. However, I still have some frustrations because there are things I wish my boss would listen to me about. He kind of brushes off the things that I say, so it makes him a little unapproachable. None of the other people in the office feel this way about him, so I guess we're in a period of feeling each other out. He doesn't talk to me any differently than he does them, but I still feel like a loser when he's around. And I know how to bring more business in, could do it in about two weeks if he would let me. And he's kind of given his permission, but he makes it so difficult to proceed after that that I feel like it wouldn't really be worth the trouble. If he would just simply listen to me when it came to certain aspects of this business, aspects that I am very knowledgeable about, he might find that I could actually generate a very good revenue for both of us. This might take a while to accomplish.

So I go to work every day and do what he asks me to do. I listen to him work and he's very very good at what he does. I tell him this, too. When he criticizes me I try as hard as I can not to take it personal, because it's not. I think because I have been out of work for so long I have to get used to feeling this way again. In school I was always a champ, got the best grades, worked really hard, so I never had to take criticism. Now that I do, I have to get used to it again. I am trying, but every day I get stung by something. I know this is normal and that I have plenty of time left to work up to the best of my ability. The pressure I feel is most likely supposed to be an incentive. Little does he know I don't really need any more incentive to work hard than I already got.

Things between Bryan and I have been downright wonderful. There has been no arguing, no stupid fights for well over a month, even longer than that. We are dieting together, and it can be hard to support each other but we do. He treats me a million percent better than he did last year, and it's so great. I am literally basking in the sunshine. I know there's a lot of people who are kind of waiting for the second shoe to drop, and I don't blame them. I know a lot of people who have been involved in abusive relationships who consider this the calm part of the cycle. But that's not how I feel. Hell, if it happens again, I will be done, gone, bye bye. I love him too much and I've already wasted a year in trying to shape him, trying to get him to love me, to see what being an adult is about. He knows that I am done wasting my energy and he treats me like his whole life depends on me. I see the love that he has for me and the hate that he has for the person he was when all the bad shit was going on, and he wants me to forgive. I told him I DO forgive but forget I will not. Sometimes I start to think about all the shit he put me through, and I get fucking pissed off, because he will never, ever know what he put me through. Not just me, but my daughter, my family and my friends. Everyone who had to see me shrink and shrivel away to nothing at the beginning of this year, when I took a hiatus from this journal, would like to get their hands on him and explain to him how important it is not to fuck it up this time. Anyone who saw me with the bruises on my face (like Lynn, Jamie, Alexa, and a few others) and all over my body who sat there in shock the first time they saw me. Or to Serra, who had to witness that brutal and senseless beating and was crying hysterically through it all because she just felt so fucking helpless. Or to Ricky, who was with me when I found him with some really nasty Flint skank at his house two days after spending the night with him and hearing all about how much he loves me and wants to be with me and my family. Ricky had the unfortunate job of bearing witness to the news that he was fucking some other bitch behind my back, a couple of weeks after he beat my ass bad enough to land me in the hospital, and as such, he was the one gripping the seat and screaming for me to calm down as I blew through red lights and stop signs going 60 MPH in a residential neighborhood while screaming in pain at the top of my lungs nonstop, like a train.

Somehow, all of this seemed to have gotten through to him, because he is the most considerate creature on the planet and he's been like that for quite a while now. He has not so much as gotten aggressive toward me, even though one day I had him up against the wall in the kitchen and I proceeded to punch him in the face repeatedly. (As to that incident, I will admit that it felt pretty nice. I had a lot of anger toward him at that time, and I just took it all out on him. I haven't hit him since, because I am no longer carrying all these huge amounts of resentment. That was a few months ago.) I love him even more than I did last year, which I didn't think was possible, but this is a different kind of love. This is finally the mature, secure two way street I had been seeking from him all along. He is good to me and I love him and together, we are making it work. We are making it work and we had to start from the very bottom, but now he know we've seen each other's ugliest sides. There's no where else to go but up and we have. Now that I'm working, I encouraged him to go back to school. Do something to make him feel better about himself. He wants to work but I work so much that I really look forward to spending time with him, so now he's looking into finishing his diploma, which he's only missing by half a credit. He would rather make money, but I am selfish and petty. I certainly make enough money now to pay my bills without him having to work so I am going to take advantage of it. Sound bad? It's not. Well, I really don't honestly give a fuck what anyone thinks. LOL.

All right, I'm off to cuddle with the man and get ready for work tomorrow. WHY do I always wait until Sunday evening to do the laundry? (And don't suggest Bryan do it. He hates the laundry, so we compromise. He cooks and does dishes, two jobs I HATE, and I do the laundry. It's a fair trade off, trust me.)

Until Later,
Mz. Bowailey