Airhorn Fun

Check this out. The idea behind this prank was for Bryan to airhorn Megan, his brother's girlfriend. Even though I KNEW he was going to get her with the airhorn, my reaction was a lot stronger than hers. Check this out. It's funny. (Watch me carefully.) Enjoy!!

Okay, So Here We Go

Thanks, everyone, for responding to my post asking for advice on whether or not I should leave Michigan. I appreciated ALL the feedback from everyone. Let me just take the time to answer a few questions.

The only reason, and I mean ONLY, reason I left Florida was because I got scared of the hurricanes. Now I know there are things much worse than hurricanes and at least you get SOME warning when they're coming.

No, I haven't really brought up the subject to Alexa yet. I'm going to soon, because I am going to plant the idea in her head and give her time to mull it over before she makes a final decision.

I'd like to clarify also that I have been completely cocaine free for three whole months. In that three months time, I have been intoxicated twice. (Alcohol has never been a problem for me, nor will it ever be.) I have no desire to ever touch the stuff again.

As for Bryan, I placed him in a take it or leave it situation. I explained that if we were to decide to move to Florida, I would probably ask him to come along, depending on the status of our relationship at that time. I was going with or without him. Considering BOTH of our natures, I even suggested that I leave and get settled and if it's right, send for him. It's not really been discussed at length, although I certainly think that getting Bryan out this no win situation he's found himself in will improve his chances of bettering his life and THIS is very important to me because I love this man very much and I want to be with him but NOT LIKE THIS. However, whatever he chooses to do is not really important to me. What's important to me is returning to my old, stable, happy self in a positive environment for me and Alexa.

So I am still thinking about it. I have been very reflective lately, not to mention more than a little fed up with Bryan's antics. Just when I think I have a grip on him, he fucks up again. Tonight, for example, I went up the the club to meet with Bryan, his brother Jeff (who is returning back to the Army in Germany tomorrow), Dave, and Jeff's girlfriend Megan. Bryan and I had had a horrible night the night before, and I decided that even though there were some things that needed to be discussed about the previous night's events, that it could wait until tomorrow. This is Jeff's last day here and I felt it would be selfish of me to monopolize Bryan's time with relationship stuff that can wait. So I agreed to meet them all at the bar and everything was going fine until I felt my internal "annoy-a-meter" suddenly rise. Bryan was hardly paying any attention to me at all. Now, I am having PMS like a motherfucker right now, and I tend to get emotional and a little temperamental in times like these. So I thought maybe I was just being a little overly sensitive and forced myself to be nice to him every time he talked to me even though what I really wanted to do was just snap his fucking head off. At one point, he came over and rubbed my back a little and was very sweet to me, but I noticed he kept picking up his drink and sitting at another table right next to the coat check. This was puzzling because he would do this while everyone else was out on the dance floor and it was just me sitting there. It pissed me off that he would get up and leave me and go sit at another table. So, I followed him over there and sat next to him and noticed right away that he was having conversations with the coat check girl an awful lot. Yeah. So, I peeked in to get a look at her, and she looked like Shrek. So I relaxed a little bit about that and sighed heavily to show my annoyance. Bryan caught on to it and we started cuddling and talking. About five minutes later, he turned to Coat Check girl and said something to her. They proceeded to engage in a ten minute conversation while I sat there feeling like a fucking third wheel. It seemed to me that every time he turned his head toward me she would say something else. And Bryan is a very friendly, nice, talkative people person, so he's just blabbing his big ass mouth away and I'm sitting there feeling my rage build. It's not a good rage. Dave walked by me and noticed the look on my face and I said loudly, "I'm just a little fucking annoyed right now." He glanced over at Bryan and back at me, and I knew instantly that he understood why. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled at me. I got up and went to talk to Megan and told her why I was pissed. She turned around, looked at Coat Check Girl, and said, "Hmmph. Look at her and look at you. You gotta get over it." I burst out laughing and in rare moment of playfulness I hugged Bryan, who was STILL talking to Coat Check Girl. I sat and patiently waited for about five more minutes and then I couldn't take anymore. I felt like I was about to take off like a rocket. Seriously. I have only felt that kind of rage once, and that was right before I punched Stephanie K in the mouth in the cafeteria in 9th grade. I felt like my arms were going to start swinging and that I was going to burst into tears any minute. I got up, grabbed my purse and keys, stepped in between their heads to stop their conversation, and waved in Bryan's face. "Bye," I said. "I'm leaving." The motherfucker had the audacity to look surprised. "What?" he asked, and I was already three feet away from him. Dave stepped over and gave me a hug, and then out of the corner of my eye I saw him immediately step over to Bryan and say something to him. (Thank God for Dave. He is the voice of sanity in my life sometimes.) I went out to my car, came home, and now I'm writing this. It's not a big deal, I know I'm being retarded about it......but why did it feel like the bitch was testing me???? Am I overreacting or it is just fucking RUDE to carry on a conversation with a guy when it's obvious his girlfriend is sitting right next to him but the motherfucker is so retarded he seems to have forgotten that she's there, and now you're just manipulating all his time? Is it just me?? Huh??

Whew. So, anyways. Yeah. I'm off to find something to eat. Even though it's almost four in the morning. I must find sustenance.

Just A Short Little Funny Note

I'm going to write a bigger post, probably tomorrow night, to respond to some of the questions and comments in my last entry, but I am so tired tonight that there is no way I could finish it. Also, I have a lot to do. Tomorrow I am hosting a barbecue at my house for Bryan's brother Jeff and his whole family, plus all our friends, will be here. Not to mention I AM NOT READY SINCE BRYAN FAILED TO TELL ME EVERYTHING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE. So I need to go to sleep so I can get up, clean this whole house, get ready, run a bunch of errands, and get back here in time to start cooking. I can feel the stress already settling in, but at least I don't have to put on airs with them. They're family. If they don't like that I'm not ready when they get here, oh well. If one of them complains, I'll just kindly remind them of a time that THEY had made ME wait. Hmmph.

Anyway, I thought I would share this. Tonight, Bryan and I stopped at Speedway to get some drinks. On our way there, I heard him singing under his breath. I perked up my ears to see what he was singing. You remember that old song by Simon and Garfunkel called "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover." You remember that one? "Slip out the back, Jack...make a new plan, Stan...no need to be coy, Roy...just get yourself free....hop on the bus, Gus...don't need to discuss much, just drop off the key, Lee...and get yourself free." (I think those are the words, someone let me know if I'm wrong, I am just too tired to look it up right now, LOL) Anyways, he's sitting there singing that song and I cannot believe my ears when he replaces the word "Gus" with "Cuz." As in, "Cousin." As in ghetto ass gangster style "Cuz". I started laughing hysterically but just to be sure, I asked him to sing it again. Looking a little confused, he sang it again and sure enough, I heard it loud and clear: "Hop on the bus, cuz." While wiping away my tears of hysterical laughter, I said, "Honey, you know that's not what he really says, don't you?"

"No," he said.

"He says 'Gus', not 'cuz' ," I told him.

Offended, he replied, "Well, that's what I thought he said. Who cares anyway? Maybe I don't know anyone named Gus and maybe I want my cousin to get on the bus."

I was still shaking my head when he went into the store and it probably took a full five minutes before I stopped laughing at that one. That's Bryan humor for you. Senseless, stupid, but ALWAYS funny.

***Andy, I know you enjoyed that one.

Riley goes crazy

This is a video of my daughter's dachsund, Riley, who had a very strong reaction to Bryan's paintball gun. Make sure you have your speakers up for this one.

A Plea For Help

Although it may not be as serious as it sounds,I have a dilemma that I am dealing with right now and I need some outside advice. It's kind of been bothering me lately, so I thought it might be a good idea to make it public and see if I can get some kind of insight.

I have always flown through life by the seat of my pants and I can be very spontaneous. I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and I usually do. Alexa has trailed behind me for years on all my journeys, and we've had some good times and some bad times. When I decided to move back to Michigan last year, I promised her stability and consistency. No more moving. That's why we bought a house. Same school until she graduates. All of that. And at first, it was easy, because this is where I wanted to be. But I find myself often questioning that decision. I don't know if this is the right place for me to be right now.

This is my birthplace and this is my home, but I am not so sure if it's a good thing to be here. There is absolutely no future in this town. There is no market for any kind of business, and even though they talk about revamping Flint's image to make it appear as if its a cutesy little college town, that idea has never quite taken off. It is ugly, it is mismanaged, and it is very, very poor. I look around here at a place that literally has NO WORK. Sure, you can get an education here, but you can do nothing with it.

Florida has been on my mind, and it has nothing to do with the impending cold. I enjoy fall, it is my favorite season. But there is a scent to the air there, an atmosphere of success, that is not here in Flint. People struggle everywhere, but in Pensacola the struggle was eased by the atmosphere and the low cost of living, combined with no state income taxes. Work was plentiful in the service industry. People struggled, and people stressed, but it still is NOTHING like here. My life seems to be literally be stalled in neutral, and it's because I have reached an impasse in my life and I don't know where to go. The truth is, I want to go back to Florida. I have family and friends there, and a guaranteed job, should I choose to return. Plus, I WANT to be there.

But then again, I have to think about Alexa. She is secure and comfortable with her little group of friends, and they are already making plans for their junior and senior proms. (LOL) I hate to move her YET AGAIN just when she is probably starting to finally feel a little grounded. But I already worry about the quality of some of the friends she has; and I know it will only get worse in high school. I want to live a peaceful life, as far away from these negative lifestyles as I can. But I just worry so much about my timing. Alexa is in that stage of emotional development where she NEEDS to feel a bit more secure and a bit more grounded; its crucial to the development of her self esteem. But I feel that I might very well go absolutely fucking crazy if I have to stay here one more minute. I feel like I'm living my life running in place. I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. I JUST KEEP GOING DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. I HATE it here, and I'm starting to hate myself. When I was in Florida, I gained a strong sense of self, became responsible, hard working, and independent, made good career choices, and GREW UP. Right now, I feel like I'm living MY life in REVERSE. Does this make sense? So I am torn between moving her and suffering the consequences later, or sticking it out and suffering until she graduates. I do not know what to do.

I would love some advice on this. I'm not talking about upping and leaving right now; I am thinking maybe more toward the summer. I don't want to pull Alexa out of school for it. But if I am going to do it I need to start planning now. I need a house, I need to sell THIS house, arrangements with my job, etc. I wish I could be set free right now, but I also know that good things come to those who wait. And I'm waiting.

Why?

I am so tired of people blaming their mistakes on me. Hey, I've made more than my share of mistakes and I don't need anyone else to pin their shit on me. Just a note to the people I'm talking about....and you know who you are....fuck you. I mean that sincerely. It's too bad that you let your hatred of a dead woman dictate how you treat me. I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry that your life sucks. Don't call me any more, because if you do, I'm hanging up. I am done with you and your drama and your jealousy. I don't need it. I am sick of the lies, the betrayal, and most of all, the blame game. Get over me. I am WAY over you.

These Are The Days Of Our Lives

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Nothing is ever normal around here. Bryan's brother got here last Thursday on a monthlong leave from the Army and so we've been pretty busy. His brother, Jeff, decided to surprise him with a trip to Cedar Point for his birthday, which was on Saturday. (Yeah, he's a big "23" now...LOL) The trip to Cedar Point was great, EXCEPT....

I didn't get to ride on any rides. NO WAY am I standing in line just to be told that I am too fat to ride it. I didn't even attempt to ride any rides. Don't get me wrong, I still totally enjoyed myself because I got to know Jeff and his girlfriend, Megan, a little better. We did a lot of talking and hanging out while Bryan and Dave waited in lines. Sometimes everyone would ride and I would wait by myself, but this only happened once or twice, and it was never a very long wait. Since the title of this blog is "Is This Just a Fat Chick Thing?" and not "Sondra and Bryan, Inc," I decided to log on here today and bitch about myself for a moment.

I never felt left out, but I did feel stupid a couple of times. Like, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I so fat that I am nervous to try to ride rides? It was humiliating because I think everyone felt bad for me, which I DON'T WANT. Plus, more than ANYTHING, I wanted to have fun with Bryan but I felt more like a mom sometimes, holding coats and glasses and anything that they couldn't take on the roller coasters with them. I would watch the coasters go by and dream of days past when I could actually ride them without freaking out. I was really pissed at myself when Bryan wanted to go on the Skyhawk and no one wanted to wait for an hour and half in line with him. I would have if I could have rode it. We talked about it on the way home and to my surprise, I started crying and told him I was sorry that I was such a dead weight. (No pun intended). He was startled at my reaction, especially when I started blubbering about how I wanted to ride with him and that I would have waited in line with him if I thought I could ride it. He said, "I know that," and tried to console me but I was beside myself with shame. He wasn't ashamed of me in the least, but I was ashamed of myself.

Lately I haven't had much of an appetite, really. I eat maybe once a day, and I eat until I feel full and then I stop. I am not obsessing over food like I usually do, and I have lost a few pounds recently. It is unlike me to NOT obsess over food and stuff myself, so I am taking advantage of the fact that it is just not a priority to me right now. I think stress is causing this, although usually when I feel stress I want to over eat. The morning that we went to Cedar Point, I got a nosebleed out of nowhere that just wouldn't stop. I had blood all over my clothes, my face, and even my shoes. When I went to the pharmacy yesterday, the pharmacist told me that it was most likely a blood pressure issue and checked my blood pressure for me. It was extremely high, so obviously I need to just RELAX. Meanwhile, I am enjoying not eating. Don't worry, I'll never be anorexic. I love food too much.

Well, I'm off to have what is hopefully going to be a good day. I have been exercising a little bit but I haven't been able to walk because of all the rain lately. Today its finally dry outside, and I think I am going to take the opportunity to get out there, get some fresh air, listen to my IPod, and spend some quality time with myself.