This is my new driver's license picture. I wasn't aware that I was going to have to take a new picture when I renewed it on my 29th birthday. Since I had just gotten my Michigan license in July, I thought they would use THAT picture instead. So I did not put on any makeup or anything.
Worse than that, you can tell I've been up to something. Just look at my eyes and how flushed my cheeks are and how red my nose is. Ugh. It serves me right that I have to look at this ugly ass picture for the next FOUR YEARS.
I have been immobile for a few days. I haven't moved from my bed..I just laid there and slept and ate and slept some more. For the most part, I have been uncommunicative, although there have been a few people I have spoken to. Right now, I feel nauseous and tired even though last night I felt fine, and I keep hoping that that feeling will go away so I can enjoy this day, which just happens to be my third wedding anniversary. I haven't been to class in a couple of days, so I need to go today even though I still don't want to. My sinuses are killing me still.
I guess you could say I tried to kill myself, even though I wasn't consciously aware that's what was going on. Ugh.
The smoke in my mind has cleared and I feel pretty good mentally for the first time in over a month. Physically, I feel like shit. My nose won't stop running...it hurts to the touch...my stomach is upset...I am extremely tired, etc. It will probably take a while to get back to feeling normal, but I am not sure how long that will be. I hope it's soon...I just want to be my old self again. I don't like myself a whole hell of a lot right now, and that was always my strongest trait. I don't have anything to fall back on right now.
So, to all my friends like Kristi and my cousin Andy..I know I owe everyone an apology for being such an ass, and I am sorry. I love you all. But I guess when I have nothing positive to say, I just avoid the very people who care about me the most. It's called "shame." Right now, I am ashamed of myself because I KNEW BETTER and I still did it anyway. Now I need to work to get my body chemistry back to what it was so I can feel normal again instead of like this, because if I didn't have a reason to get out of bed right now, I would not.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The Smoke is Clearing
Posted by MissJester at 11:48 AM
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11 comments:
Have you seen the movie 'Walk the Line' about Johnny Cash? Well, I am thinking you need some people around you like June Carter and her father... oh, and they need to bring guns.
Hey Andy, I'll bring a gun. :)
And Sondra, you still hot in your new driver's license picture !!!
Happy anniversary too.
Thanks everyone!!! :) Kristi, I miss you SO much! What are you taking next semester? Ill leave my schedule on your blog for the Fall semester. Maybe we can end up together again.
No, I havent seen that movie,Andy, but its all good now. I promise.
Yo, what did you do to hurt yourself?? Yeah and Call me fucker.miss ya.. I am working again.. got a nice job with Scotts..Over entire State of Ky.. So I am back.. I know how you feel though.. keep in touch bitch.. I love ya and miss ya..oh yeah thanksyou for calling me on my b day like I tried to do you for you and sent you mail
I DID call you on your birthday, you hook dick fucker!
Sondra, Get Walk the Line and watch it... you will understand what part I am talking about.
I only have one class in the fall. It's on Monday and Wednesday from 4-6. I think. I'll double check and let ya know. 1 class and I'm outta there.
hope you manage to get your head strait. whatcha think bout this weather?
Heya sondra, long time no chit chat, you can reach me on yah-hell, I haven't used skype much, to many lameo's trying to pull scams and whatnot, anyway, if nothing else, send me an e-mail to crack_house06@cox.net. Catch ya later.
drugs are bad
Oh Boo Whoo!
If you ain't bitch'n about everyone else, you're feeling sorry for yourself. Get your ass out of bed,& back to class.
Actually, I know this sounded very harsh.(do I have your attention? ;) As one of your readers, it's my way of telling you, that you are better than this....and you will see the light soon. Sorry your in a 'funk' better yet, sorry you have to live with that pic for the next 4 years.HEE-HEE
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