Oh, and ONE MORE THING...

Friday night I got really drunk. It didn't last very long because I hold my liquor exceptionally well (dammit) but I got pretty toasted there for a while. And then it happened. I did the trademark Bowman drunk thing.

I got totally emotional.

I'm not that embarassed about it, because I actually got emotional before I got drunk. I was with Lynn, who is the absolute best friend in the world, and I am totally honest with her. I had a few in me, and we were at a bar, and I got choked up because all night long she was getting attention and I wasn't. Normally, that wouldn't bother me, but for some reason it bothered me on Friday. We used to go out all the time when we were younger and we would both get attention. Now I get NO attention. I hate my hair, I hate my clothes, I hate the way I look right now. Not myself, just my outer self. I got choked up and started crying and when she asked me what was wrong I told her. She gave me a little pep talk and I felt much better. It's not like me to display my weaknesses and that alone pissed me off, but it was Lynn so it was okay. Normally I have a positive attitude and I laugh a lot but I was just in a funk of some kind. Like I said, she was very comforting and all was well after a while. I forgot about it and began doing shots and drinking my beer. Conversation was good. Then, while I am at the peak of my drunkenness, this guy we were with looks at me and says, in a total conversational, not meant to hurt my feelings tone, "Yeah, see, I'm not attracted to you. I like you and you're nice, I mean I really like you, but I'm just not attracted to you." Out of the blue. Writing this, I am laughing because it is funny, but it was just so not the right time. I slammed my Corona bottle on the table and said something like, "You see then, motherfucker. You're the type of asshole that I won't even fucking talk to once I'm in better shape and have my surgery. You're a fucking dick. Watch and see what happens. You'll try to talk to me just like all these other fucking assholes in here and I'll blow you off too. You're no different." I was yelling and gesturing wildly with my beer bottle, but what I remember the most is the absolute shocked look he had on his face and how I could hear Lynn saying, "Fuck him. He's dumb. He don't get it. Don't even talk to him. He's fucking stupid. Seriously." (She was feeling pretty good, too.) And then I think after that, I felt bad so I said something to him about how he was just being honest and how I have to respect that, which I do. And I know the guy, he wasn't trying to be mean or hurt my feelings at all. He was picking up a conversation that we had had about a half hour prior to that (and two shots of tequila and one beer later.) His timing was just way, way off. Comical, huh?

Oh, yes, I have an inferiority complex. I'll just say it now. Really, I don't feel inferior to anyone, but I feel like people don't look at me anymore. They really don't. Fat people are widely ignored, I think mostly because people who are not fat don't know what to say or how to deal with them because they are largely seen as unattractive. And I do understand it. It's just frustrating because I am an awesome person who smiles and laughs a lot. I am also very honest with myself as well as other people. I have a warm and kind heart, and I am cute. I am no model, but I have pretty eyes and dimples. :-D I have personality, man, but people who don't know me have no idea. They just see me as just this fat girl and move on. It's sad, I guess, but I am all done crying about it. By this time next year I will be slimmer and I will keep on getting slimmer until I look so damn good you'll have to pry me off of myself. And then I'll be going out and seeing how many phone numbers I can accumulate. If you want to see what I will do with those phone numbers, let me know, and I'll post it. It should be funny. And if anyone gives me their phone number now, they'll be spared the indignity and embarassment of being harassed by me solely for my own pleasure because they gave me their number when I was fat! It just better be the right one, fuckers. HA HA!!! Hold on, people..SONDRA IS COMING FOR YOU!