Madness!

Hey everyone! I am still in the process of re working this site, it's just that things keep coming up that temporarily take priority over this blog. I am working on it.

So, I have moved into my little house. I've been here a week now and I am still putting a few finishing touches on it. It's really very warm and cozy, spacious just for the two of us. The first two or three days that I lived here I really hated it, because I was struck down with some mystery illness which I am quite suspicious was the flu, and I was in pain and I cried miserably for my mommy. I was really afraid that because of that experience, I would be left with that memory when I thought of this as home and I would hate this place...but fortunately that didn't happen. I laid around sick and miserable for a few days, and then finally got around to unpacking the rest of it. Tonight I am finishing up my bedroom and my new home will be complete!

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and filled the cabinets with food. I bought chicken and ground turkey, turkey bacon, salad, spinach, fruits and vegetables, steamed and raw. I bought Cheerios and Shredded Wheat and whole wheat bread. This is keeping in adherence to one of my goals this year, which was to make better food choices and to eat healthier. This is so important to me! I have a lot of stomach problems so I have to be picky about what I put in it unless I want to be uncomfortable and/or in pain. I don't drink soda hardly at all, I mostly drink water. I have lost fourteen more pounds in the last month or so, but I know that a big part of that was being sick.

In a weird way, getting as sick as I did was like a super big ass kick start in the right direction. Being as sick as I was, I couldn't eat hardly at all. I knew better than to starve myself, but for those three days I only ate one bowl of soup each day. I drank as much water as I could and by day three I could drink juice. But by then, my stomach had kind of shrunk so I just continued to eat smaller portions. I cut my usual big breakfast in half. Now I can eat one egg, toast, and a small portion of potatoes and be full. My stomach isn't as irritated because I'm not putting as much in it, which is a nice relief. And the best part of all is that I quit smoking cold turkey, this time for good. I don't know why I ever thought smoking was something I wanted to do. I was so sick coming home from work last Saturday that I smoked a half a cigarette and haven't smoked again after that. I mean, Saturday night I was so miserable I couldn't even think about smoking, and ditto for Sunday. Sunday I felt like I was in hell. I wasn't thinking about cigarettes. By Monday I felt a little better but still not good enough for a cigarette if I had had a craving for one, which I didn't. By Monday night I decided that no matter what I wasn't going to start smoking again. It just seemed ridiculous to go three, four days without smoking and then start up again. So I won't. I do struggle sometimes, especially at work and after eating, but it's not too bad...I just do my best to forget about it and it goes away. I don't really think about it too much. I am starting a new chapter of my life in a new place which means that I am essentially travelling outside my comfort level, so trying new things can't really hurt. And this wasn't something I intended to do, at least not right now. I didn't even put it on my list of goals to accomplish this year because I wasn't sure if I should tackle it. But it came up, and guess what? I surprised myself. Pleasantly.

The first few nights here without Bryan were scary and sad. I cried a lot. I really missed him. The first two nights I slept in my bed and I tossed and turned miserably. On Monday night I slept on my brand new couch, which is actually brand new, and I slept like a fucking baby. I've been sleeping there a lot, but tonight I'm going to try sleeping in my room. It gives me anxiety for some reason, and I am trying to tackle that. Anyway, after the inital sadness of being without Bryan, I began to adjust and you know what? I FEEL FUCKING GREAT! I FEEL FREE. I feel absolutely free to do whatever I want and to be myself and the best part is that I have MONEY in the BANK! It's not a lot at all, but it's enough for me to build the foundation that I want to build. This is in reference to one of my other goals this year, which is to become financially independent and learn how to budget my money much better than I have for the last few years. Honestly, I am doing very well in that department and I feel very blessed that I do not have to live paycheck to paycheck right now. For once, I have a small cushion to fall back on, and it's MY OWN MONEY that I WORKED FOR. I just feel so good. I feel like I am coming out of the dark. I feel strong. I even feel sexy sometimes. I keep surprising myself. I laugh a lot more and I catch myself saying more positive things. It's only been a week and I can feel the burden lifting off of me.

I also did what I said I was going to do and sign up for direct deposit from work. I have been able to hoard two paychecks from the last month, so I mailed those into my bank to be deposited. From now on , that will happen automatically and that money will have to be used for bills. So far, this is working out well.

So now I have to end this because I am tired, and I still have a load of drying to do. I have to work tomorrow, but I plan on posting some pics of my new place. I love it! I am trying out a feng-shui theme, and so far it is working quite well. I have framed Chinese symbols all along the wall in the living room that stand for different things, such as love, happiness, peace, harmony, and wisdom. My couch is in an open space, and I have white candles everywhere, ready to be lit at the first sign of negative energy. The way I have it decorated gives me a sense of peace and accomplishment...because it looks really nice.

Tiredly,
Mz Bowailey

Step 1

Well, I did it. I didn't think I would but I did. I found a nice, affordable place for just Alexa and I and put the deposit down on it last week. I am waiting for my taxes to get back to me so I can pay my first month and start moving in!

One of my goals this year was to become more organized. I had the last two days off, so I spent them cleaning out all this JUNK that I have accumulated over the years. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen out and the bathroom pantry. Today I cleaned out the storage room in our garage. It was a mess! I ended up filling up our garbage can and the whole back deck with trash. Junk. Useless papers and stuff that I don't use. But I am forcing myself to get rid of all this SHIT. I have no room for it in my new life!

I am sleeping better. Bryan is now sleeping on the couch so I have my big old bed to myself. Today when I woke up I realized that for once I had absolutely nothing to worry about. It was so refreshing! We all went to breakfast and then I worked in the garage all day. It feels so good to accomplish things.

I found a box of papers that I put aside to go through after I got done cleaning stuff out. I sat down with them and started going through them. It was all my homework from my very first semester of college FIVE YEARS AGO. It doesn't seem that long ago. I started at them for a long time, at the neat little columns of numbers and gibberish. I started thinking about what I was doing five years ago; going to school, working, and going to the gym five days a week. I was happy and positive, for the most part. Suddenly, my heart started to ache, ache badly, for how fast five years have just slipped by. I put my hands on the cool papers and suddenly felt connected to that part of myself. The part of myself that desires an education, that worked so hard for that A+ average and to get on the Presiden't list. I set goals, cleared the obstacles, and worked hard. I don't know if I have the right words exactly to explain how it felt. Like I was touching a part of my soul that hadn't been tapped in a long time...the part that knows how to take care of me.

Bryan and Daniel found an apartment, too...and it's right across the street from work and about 2 miles from me. I'm kind of glad. Even though I don't want to live with Bryan anymore, I kind of want him around just so I know he's going to be okay. As long as he doesn't depend on me anymore, I might actually enjoy being around him. Right now, we work together WAY better than we live together. Anyway, he put the deposit down on a two bedroom for him and Daniel and it's not too bad!

Everyone in this house is excited. We are all looking forward to the next chapter of our lives. And then imagine my joy when I read my outlook for the year. Here it is:

Snake Overview

The Snake has an incredibly favorable year ahead. The year of the Ox provides many opportunities for the Snake to fulfill long awaited career goals and achieve more than he/she ever imagined. Your wisdom and patience are tools that prove successful in all aspects of your life. Relationships could be taken to new heights and deep and meaningful friendships are acquired. This year proves to be one of action, the year that all of your planning and waiting pay off for you. The later months prove to be especially successful, tying a year of arduous work into an extremely blissful culmination.

Snake Rating

79% (10 favorable and 2 neutral months)

Snake Career

Your wisdom proves to be most resourceful this year, particularly in your career endeavors. Colleagues will admire your input and your opinion will be well respected among business circles. Your work will take you to new levels in your career, as you may see a promotion or a position change that offers you a direction that is more suitable to your skills. March, April and May are strong months for a career change or an upswing in your current position. Be prepared for an outstanding year in your work and don't be surprised if everything you do results in success

Snake Relationships

The Snake's social life will bring a high amount of satisfaction to you this year, as will your family life. Though you tend to be more of a loner, this year will provide occasions that may bring you out of your shell. You have always been a good listener and you will benefit from being more assertive in social situations. More to the point, you may be thrown into a position to be more assertive, rather than volunteering. Your quick thinking will prove to be most useful. Single Snakes may find the romantic relationship they seek, as romance is favored.

Snake Health

The Snake will not suffer any more than minor health issues, but you may want to watch what you eat and make it a point to exercise more often, as these may be areas that you tend to neglect. Your busy work schedule and social endeavors may make it difficult to maintain a regular schedule of exercise, but you can find time here and there to do something active. This will help your heart and may relive stress from a long work week.

Snake Wealth

The Snake will do well with your conservative approach to spending. You have always been disciplined in your finances and this year proves to be no different. If you maintain your frugal manner, you will find that you have accumulated enough by the end of the year to make a large purchase that you have been planning for a long time. If you are in doubt about a particular endeavor, don't hesitate to receive a second opinion before committing.

How's that for accurate?

Excitedly,
Mz Bowailey