Are You Fucking Serious?

I am in a "fuck it" mood today. Boy, I am not pleased with shit at all. I feel like the world needs a great big kick to the balls. I am sick of EVERY fucking BODY. How did a superior being like God create such inane beings? Humans MUST be a lesser form of life. We are just so fucking dumb.

Here's an example. Every woman goes through their monthly thing. We all know how painful and irritating inconvenience it can be. There's really nothing to look forward to about it. Me, personally, I suffer from a becoming-more-common-now-that-we-can-sell-more-drugs disorder called PMDD. PMDD is the same as PMS, except multiply the effects of it by about a hundred thousand. This is the joy of PMDD: Crazy, intense mood swings complete with hysterical tears over nothing and blind, knife-wielding rage over toilet seat being left up. Uterus-ripping cramps that begin a full ten days before period begins and do not end until the last drop of blood has been expelled. Body chills, extreme rage, intense pain.....the list goes on and on. So when I feel this time of the month approaching (it usually begins with mood swings, then cramps and mood swings, and always a full ten days or so before my period actually begins) I know it's time to buckle my seat belt....we're going for a painful ride. Nothing to look forward to, actually.

So, anyway, this month I decide to buy a new brand of feminine hygiene product. It comes in a bright package with cheery colors and of course, the ever present flowers. As I took off the plastic wrapping and unfolded it, I saw a piece of paper stuck to the other side of the adhesive. In a bright and cheery green, complete with a picture of a daisy, it read, "Have a happy period!"

Have a happy period? What? Are you kidding? Are you NUTS? I realize that it's not the end of the world, ladies, but wouldn't it be going a little too far for them to suggest to us that we ENJOY the hell that is wreaked upon our bodies every month? I chuckled to myself as I imagined the freckle faced dweeby corporate executive who created THAT ad. May God have mercy on his soul.

I want to talk about something else, too. There are certain people on my mind right now that are not in my life, and although I miss them, I don't miss the bullshit. Just a note to them, and you know who you are: Get rid of him. He's a loser, a liar, a user and a manipulator. I know you have self esteem issues but you deserve better. The only reason I haven't smacked him in the mouth yet is because of my suffering relationship with you, but you are the only person who can come to your senses. I miss you and will welcome you back into my life but only if he is no longer in it. Period. Meanwhile, I want you know that I am very happy. I bet that pisses you off. But, surprise! He loves me. Betcha didn't see that comin, huh?

I'm off. I feel like thinking.