Ugh.

I am recovering from the worst ear infection I have ever had, and although I am prone to drama a lot of times, this isn't one of them.

First off all, I get one really bad ear infection a year, and sometimes up to three minor ones. This is something I have dealt with all my life, just not like this. After I posted my last entry, I went straight to bed with a hot water bottle, which did no good. When I woke up the next day, the pain just got progressively worse and worse and no amount of Aleve or aspirin could kill it. I even sent my husband 15 miles away to get something called "ear candles" on the suggestion of my friend Lynn. When I opened the package, I was dismayed to see that I could not use them because 1.) I have two perforated eardrums and 2.) I have tubes in my ears. So I proceeded to scream at my husband, my daughter, and my dad for about an hour before deciding it was time to head to the emergency room.

When I got to the emergency room, they were very quick about checking me in and all that, but I sat there and waited, in EXCRUCIATING pain, for over an hour. I was holding my hot water bottle against my ear and crying hysterically while everyone else waiting to see a doctor kept giving me sympathetic glances. Finally, some guy came and got a group of us and set us up in little rooms. I was still rocking and crying loudly. (Embarassment? Self consciousness? What the fuck is that?) I kept grabbing my husband's shirt and twisting it in my hands, gritting my teeth and spitting, "DO something...MAKE IT STOP." To his credit, he was patient and attentive, but when you're in that much pain, NO ONE is your friend.

After sitting there for only about five minutes, I sent my husband to go refill my hot water bottle because it was getting cool. While he was gone I had my ear cocked to the side, pacing, crying, moaning and begging, and this little doctor whips back the curtain and cheerfully says, "Hi!" As soon as he really looks at me, he says, "What's wrong?"

I snapped back through gritted teeth, "I think I have an ear infection and the pain is fucking intense, and I can't take it anymore." To his credit, he was very tolerable of me. He stuck that little thing in my ears and said, "WHOA! No wonder. If you say this hurts, I believe you. You have no pus or wax in your ears, but your eardrum is red and inflamed horribly bad. Your other ear doesn't look that bad, and that's good." He was right, of course. A double ear infection is no one's picnic, but all I wanted, at that point, was something for the pain. He then told me he would give me a shot for the pain and suddenly I heard angels singing, "HALLELUJAH!" A shot! That means almost instant relief!

So he went away and for the next fifteen minutes or so I continued crying and pacing, and finally, just when I didn't think I could take anymore, in walks a nurse with a syringe and some ear drops. Anyone who knows me knows I hate eardops. I hate them with a passion. I told the nurse how bad I hated them and he said, "Well, I think you'll like these ones. These are ear numbing drops. And I'll put them in your ear in such a way that you won't really feel them." Like I said, I was in so much pain that it did not matter at that point, so I laid down on my side while my husband held my head (keep in mind that he is used to my thrashing and bargaining and screaming when I have to have ear drops), and the nurse dropped them in. I felt them swooshing into my ear canal, and that's the part I hate. Even though I cringed, I did not move. Anything to make it stop. Anything, even if that means eardrops.

Then he stuck the needle in my arm just seconds before I said, "What is that?" He said, "Morphine" and jabbed it into my arm. That stung a little, but nothing like my ear. He told my husband it would take about 30 minutes for the shot to take effect. In the meantime, the ear numbing drops ought to take the edge off the pain.

I have never had morphine before in my life. Within five minutes of the shot, I was suddenly very high. I didn't exactly like it, and I stumbled through the hospital on my way out, but it did take the edge off the pain. The very edge, mind you. The pain was still intense, but I was stoned out of my mind and although I was a little uncomfortable, I was far from hysterical. We got in the car and had to drive twenty miles to the nearest pharmacy and I was shaking, jittery, a little nauseous, but very pleasantly sleepy. Oh, all I wanted to do was sleep. My husband ran into the pharmacy with my scripts, and when he came back out he said, "They won't be ready til 10:30". It was 8:30. My first day of school was the next day, so I said, "Can you just take me home so I can go to sleep?" He said yes, and then, for some reason I don't understand, I insisted on driving. What the fuck?? I had NO business driving. I was so completely fucking out of reality by that point that I should have just passed out in the car. But I couldn't...all that movement was making me even more nauseous. So I drove us about 22 miles home, and the only things I honestly remember are 1.) my eyes just didn't want to stay open, no matter what I did and 2.) my husband screaming, "BABY WATCH OUT! YOU'RE GOING IN THE OTHER LANE!" when I had NO idea I was doing such a thing. (Of course, I was indignant. "Shut up, Shawn. I know what I'm doing.")

So we came home and I immediately fell into bed. Within minutes I was in a pleasantly deep sleep. I hadn't slept well the night before, so I embraced this drug induced coma. I did not wake up again until 4AM. My ear was still hurting horribly, so I went into the kitchen and took a Vicoden. (Part of my prescriptions.) I then fell back into my deep sleep.

When I woke up yesterday, my first day of school, I was still shaky and nauseous, but most of the pain had subsided. There was still a little discomfort in my ear but instead of taking a Vicoden I just took all my other pills and decided to wait and see if the pain got any worse. My husband had packed all my school things for me, including labeling all of my folders and notebooks so I knew which classroom to go to and what time. I stumbled through my school day, wishing I could be more enthusiastic, but I was just very tired and I could not hear a thing. My ear canal was, and still is, horribly swollen. As soon as I got home, I made myself some soup and promptly passed out until I had to get ready to go to my daughter's basketball game at 4:30. When I woke up, I didn't feel as dizzy and nauseated, but my ear still felt uncomfortably full. I went to the game, came home, and had dinner. Right after dinner...you guessed it..back to bed.

Now it's Tuesday and my ear is still very swollen, although the pain is very minimal. It's just so uncomfortable. I don't feel so good still, and my neck hurts from sleeping on my hot water bottle. I am still very tired, even though I haven't had to take any pain medication since the Vicoden I took at 4AM. I have loads of reading and even some work to do, so I have to get on it. But what I really want to do is climb back in my nice, clean king size bed with the deep blue moon and stars design on the comforter, pull the covers over my head, and sleep. Maybe I will study in bed. Hopefully I will be back to my usual self tomorrow. This is just miserable.