Blah Blah Blah

My life is SO fucking boring. I was reading through some of my entries from like, two years ago, and my life is really dull compared to what it used to be. I hardly ever leave home, except to go to work. Then sometimes I go grocery shopping. It's not that I don't want to go out and do stuff; it's just that there really is nothing to do and no one to do it with. I have friends but they all have smaller kids than me so going out and doing stuff usually requires a lot of bullshit, so I just avoid it altogether. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be as active as I was when I was living back in Fenton. All my friends and family are there and it's never a dull moment. Here, every moment is dull.

At least my job is interesting. I've been there almost eight months. It's not really my dream job, but it sure is entertaining. That should tell you how boring it is here. I know that when I look back at this phase of my life I will laugh at how much my life is centered around my job. I love working with all these different personalities. I love being able to have a job where I can tell my co workers to fuck off with no ramifications. (And I have.) I like being in an environment where I am encouraged to be myself, rather than sucking up to corporate assholes, which I only have to do occasionally. I do it well.

There is always some kind of drama going on. I love drama as long as it's not centered around me...I hate that shit but I am a bit of a gossip hound. I know who's fighting with their spouse, I know who's banging the manager, etc. I swear to God I only go to work to see what happens next. Never, ever a dull moment. And I really enjoy having regular customers who know me and know about certain aspects of my life; it appeals to my Taurus side to have such a routine. I am good at what I do and I like it; I am more physically active now than I ever have been. Now if only I could motivate myself to stay active AFTER work. I also meet some very interesting people who make me wish I was single and easily available, but my luck is not that good! LOL!

The truth is, I can't pay my bills, but I never stop working. I pay what I can and move on to the next priority. I've had my car repossessed. (I never got it back because I couldn't afford that payment, anyway.) I bought an OLD beater truck that I love and it gets me to work every day. I have my roof over my head, even if barely, but I still manage. Now, I suffer from all kinds of stress related maladies: heartburn, headaches, even really bad carpal tunnel syndrome. I pop my dollar store acid reducer or the ibuprofen I stole from the break room at work and then I move on. Fuck it. I'm not going to die if shit doesn't go my way. Period. I think this is what being in your thirties is all about: Starting to realize that some shit is important and some shit isn't. Being able to tell the difference is what makes you mature.

Reflectively,
Mz. Bowailey

Ramblings On

So. It has been a LONG time since I've actually put any time into writing in this. It seems such a shame to abandon it after all this time. This blog has carried me through my marriage, my relationship with my husband and then with Bryan, my move to Florida and subsequent job changes...it has really followed my life through some amazing times. There's no way I can click on the "delete" button. And erase all the memories, good and bad, that make me who I am today?

Today, I am a strong person. And wow, do I feel a lot smarter than I did a few years ago. My sense of self is still the same, but it just seems so clear to me that half the shit that happens to you in life is really NOT important. Funny, but true. I remember freaking out over anything and everything. I thought the end of the world was near in damn near every situation. Now, I'm just like....chill. When it comes to people, anyway, I am very laid back. I don't worry about how people will perceive me anymore. I don't care if someone does something wrong to me; that just shows me not to invest any more in that person. A few years ago I would have tried to save the world by investing myself and my time into trying to change someone, but now, I just accept people for their differences. And if I can deal with their differences, then I let them into my life. If I can't, well, then, I treat them with courtesy and respect and let them go their own way. My motto now is let it go. It really works.

I work with such a myriad of personalities, all with their own set of problems and indiosyncracies, that I can pretty much adjust to any situation. Not to mention that I deal with customers ALL DAY LONG, and I do adjust my attitude and personality in order to serve them better. It suits me well because I make good money, and more than that, I get a lot of compliments. Some days are better than others. Some days I just want to stay away from people and all they offer, but it's hard to stick to that.

Bryan and I are still chugging along. We are slowly but surely planning our next move, which will be back up to the Midwest somewhere. I am currently house hunting in Southwest Ohio, but much remains to be seen regarding the future. However, I miss the seasons badly. Fall, with the lush and brilliant colors, and winter, with its biting, yet crystal fresh wind. And then the anticipation of spring.....I just miss it all. I am not a Florida girl and I know now that I never will be.

Bryan and I are working, actually at the same place but different shifts, and all is well. We are maintaining a home and paying our bills...just barely it seems but everyone else is on the same boat as us so we have also learned to adapt. No major issues, no major fighting, certainly no drugs. We are BOR-ING. We work, and we hang out at home. We work some more. We don't go to bars. We don't party. We have nothing to fight about. He pays the rent, I pay the bills. We share the expenses of groceries and gas. Neither one of us ever do anything fun, but the way I see it is that I spent all of 2006 having fun and 2007 was spent trying to stay stable. 2008 has been stable and fine but....oh so boring. I feel married to this man now. Maybe someday, if we ever get the balls. Right now both of us are actually fine with the way it is...except I would really like to change my last name. I still have my ex husband's name, and it's not really fair to me to have to carry it. I feel like a name is everything about a person, and I really want my maiden name back. I can't change it back because the judge forgot to check the box on the petition that says "Allow wife to go back to maiden name" so here I am stuck with it. The only way to get rid of it is to change my last name. Bryan says I can have his last name. I wonder if I'll do it? LOL.

Well, that's it for now. I am going to try and update this more often. In fact, I plan on it. So keep coming back and checking for updates because I'd like to start posting with the same frequency that I did a couple of years ago. This was a nice outlet for me today. Now, I'm off for some herbal refreshment. Ciao!

Lovingly,
Mz. Bowailey