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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Does it matter?



I'm sitting here listening to R&B from the 90's. It reminds me of being a teenager and smoking weed until my head exploded. It reminds me of gas runs, dine and dashes, and late night random trips out to the middle of nowhere. I did all of this with Lynn, who, dammit, I have to give credit to for teaching me how to scam. I am now an expert at it, but I don't do it anymore. I believe too much in karma.

I miss being young sometimes, but I am so glad that I now have a clue. I didn't get it until my mid twenties anyway. I was a very confused, messed up kid. And I was hot, with my jet black (dyed) hair and my blue eyes. And I had confidence about that, but nothing else. Let's see..would I rather be confident in my self and have a lack of confidence in my looks, or vice versa? Hmmm...I think I'll take the first option. It feels better.

I spoke with Angie's mother today. She said that Angie had her review hearing today, about the neglect of her kids. They set her up for a three month review, so she won't be getting them back now until AT LEAST three months, at the very least. The way she keeps fighting the system and doing everything I told her not to do only tells me that she has no intention of doing anything except fighting the power and making it difficult on herself. Oh, well. Let her pay. She is a perfect example of karma gone bad, as far as I am concerned. Thank God it's not me.

I am feeling a little out of sorts today. I have been extremely busy today. I got up early after going to bed late, and stayed out all day, running those hateful ERRANDS. I also have a paper to work on, which I'm going to start on in a minute.

Back in October, I wrote a post about Ashley, who is the current girlfriend of my nephew Ricky. Last year sometime, she got into an altercation (long story) and ended up violating her probation. When she found out she was pregnant, she went back down to Florida and turned herself in for a bench warrant. She was sentenced to six months in the county jail and was released last week. I sent her a plane ticket back to Michigan and have been healing my relationship with her. She is going to stay here while she's here. How much do you want to bet I'll be the one driving her to the hospital in the middle of the night? I don't mind. (By the way, she is having a girl. If you want to read about Ashley, click on or copy and paste this link:)


http://sondrathepearl.blogspot.com/2005_10_23_sondrathepearl_archive.html

It's an interesting story.

Monday, February 27, 2006

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I uploaded one of my all time favorite songs to vidilife a WEEK ago and FINALLY got the code for it today. The last song I had on here was supposed to be "Lose Yourself" by Eminem but it was some fucking "We have to worship Tupac because he's fucking deader than a doornail" remix that I didn't appreciate. So, because it annoyed me, I removed it and decided that from now on I will post my own music and get my own codes.

This song defines me. It defines me to a TEE. Here are the lyrics. Read them if you want to know anything at ALL about me.

Roll Me Away

Words and Music by Bob Seger
Took a look down a westbound road,
right away I made my choice
Headed out to my big two-wheeler,
I was tired of my own voice
Took a bead on the northern plains
and just rolled that power on
Twelve hours out of Mackinaw City
stopped in a bar to have a brew
Met a girl and we had a few drinks
and I told her what I'd decided to do
She looked out the window a long long moment
then she looked into my eyes
She didn't have to say a thing,
I knew what she was thinkin'
Roll, roll me away,
won't you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed
and I'm sick of what's wrong and what's right
We never even said a word,
we just walked out and got on that bike
And we rolled
And we rolled clean out of sight
We rolled across the high plains
Deep into the mountains
Felt so good to me
Finally feelin' free
Somewhere along a high road
The air began to turn cold
She said she missed her home
I headed on alone
Stood alone on a mountain top,
starin' out at the Great Divide
I could go east, I could go west,
it was all up to me to decide
Just then I saw a young hawk flyin'
and my soul began to rise
And pretty soon
My heart was singin'
Roll, roll me away,
I'm gonna roll me away tonight
Gotta keep rollin, gotta keep ridin',
keep searchin' till I find what's right
And as the sunset faded
I spoke to the faintest first starlight
And I said next time
Next time
We'll get it right.......

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Ugh, Yuck, and Hmmm...

I don't know what my problem is, but for like two weeks I have been an absolute bitch. Everything is making me hostile. I walk around gritting my teeth, trying not to lash out at people. My tolerance level for irritation, while always low, is now almost nonexistant. I am tired, very very tired. I have been sleeping in very late and then napping some more during the day. I am eating more than usual, even though I am NOT even hungry. I am a fucking crab ass. The most recurring thought I've had in the last week is, "I'm fucking miserable." I just have no idea why I feel this way.

I do have one possible explanation. I take medicine for my thyroid, since it doesn't work. (I have chronic hypothyroidism, which means it will never go away). The medicine I take is a synthetic hormone that replaces the hormone that my thyroid absolutely does not produce. Well, I ran out of that medicine over a month ago and went to the doctor about two weeks before I ran out to see if he would prescribe me more. (The original doctor who prescribed it is in Florida, and he gave me a year's prescription.) This self righteous, arrogant asshole insisted on running all kinds of blood tests that my endocrinologist and family physician in Florida already did, thus postponing me getting any more medication. He insisted that the cause was not congenital, as my doctors in Florida concluded, but rather brought on by another medication that I take. (I only take two medications, so everyone doesn't think I am some kind of pill head.) I already went through this when I was first diagnosed with the disease, so it kind of irked me that he didn't believe me and thought his word was God. So I never went back, and instead, changed doctors. I have a doctor appointment with my new doctor in a couple of weeks, but in the meantime, I think not having the synthroid is wreaking havoc on me.

The medication only regulates my metabolism, so I have no idea why I feel so aggressive and hostile. I am also kind of emotional and I attributed that to PMS, except I haven't started my period yet...it is very late. (I am NOT pregnant.) I have headaches constantly, my head feels muddled and murky, I am very lethargic and tired, and I am also weepy as hell. I know I am not depressed, at least not clinically, although I have my down moments just like everyone else. And my thyroid gland is beginning to enlarge, making me look as if I have twenty chins. This is also very uncomfortable because it feels as if I have a large chunk of dry bread stuck in my throat and I can't do anything about it. I am starting to swell up, too, and I have large bags under my eyes. My guess is that my new doctor will put me on diuretics as well as synthroid. I am so miserable, mentally and physically, right now.

It didn't help matters any that when I went out last night, trying to have fun and forget about my miseries, that I got totally treated like shit by most of the guys at the bar. I mean, I'm not kidding, when you are fat, it does NOT matter what you look like...you could be the prettiest girl in the room, and no one will notice. They're all looking at the 110 lb slut in the lowrider jeans with her boobs sticking out. Trust me. She could be a fucking dogfaced bitch, and she will be picked over the fat girl, any day. Not every guy thinks like this, but last night I really got treated like shit. Not only was I completely ignored by most of the guys there, but one guy actually, literally, shoved me out of his way. Physically shoved me. I responded with, "Hey, dude..what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing?" He ignored me, and Lynn didn't see it. If she would have there would have been hell to pay. Lynn used to be a lot bigger than she is now..she lost more than eighty pounds a few years ago and is very sensitive to that shit. She's even more sensitive to it because I am so tuned in to it. Instead I sat there, fighting back tears, and just wanting to leave. I only drank three beers and a long island and I never even had the pleasure of experiencing a buzz. I just felt so disgusting and unappreciated.

Look, I am happy with myself. I like me. I just don't like me physically and I will never pretend to be part of the "Big and Beautiful" crowd. I don't want to be "Big and Beautiful". I just want to be "beautiful." I remember a few years ago, going out with Lynn, and being able to wear anything I really want. I remember feeling confidence. I don't have that confidence anymore. I know part of it is in my mind, but trust me, the prejudice is there. True...I don't need some random bar guy's approval of me to validate myself, but it sure would be nice to have someone look at me instead of right through me, as if I didn't even exist. I just want to stand up on the table with a sign that says, "LOOK AT ME! I AM A REAL PERSON WITH DEPTH! I HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR AND I LOVE PEOPLE! GIVE ME A CHANCE!" Or, better yet, " I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! I'M NOT FAT BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP EATING! I'M FAT BECAUSE I HAVE A DISEASE! I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN THIS FAT!"

But...would it really matter?

Friday, February 24, 2006

I Feel Weird Today


That's it. I feel weird today. I can't explain it. But I do. I want to bust outside and run screaming down the driveway, or get in my car and listen to one of my CD's so loud that everyone can hear it. (I do this most of the time anyway, which is why I am deaf.) I don't like this picture, I look a little nuts. I also look like I have six chins or something. I do not have that many chins, I swear. I am happy that my hair is getting longer now.

I want to drink and drink. Tonight I bowl with the dyke mafia and you better believe that I am going to. I won't get drunk because I have to drive, but I am going to indulge in some margaritas for sure. Or something. I like the blue ones, because they are so strong.

I feel like going on a road trip. Or visiting places I have been that I am comfortable with. What I do not want to do is sit here. Something has gotten into me but I wish I knew what it was. I wish I could talk to Lynn but that bitch is always working. Dammit.

I'm off...I have to come back to the real world and do real world things. Like, go to the bank. I don't WANT to. I HATE running errands. LOL.

Monday, February 20, 2006

The Personality Assessment

I stole this off of my cousin's website. You're supposed to take your eye color and your birth month and put it together to show your personality. It was pretty accurate. Here is mine:

blue eyes - people with blue eyes are very attractive, adorable, loves to make love. will do anything for that special person. kind, and polite. can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. loves to please the one they care or love for.


Um...not really. I hate sex. I'm just gonna put it out there right now. I don't like it except for the first few times you do it with someone. Other than that, I don't really care for it all that much but I will do it if I've had a few drinks.

Me, kind and polite? Polite, yes, usually anyway. Kind? Yes, I guess you could say I am kind.

I do like to make people laugh. I get a kick out of it. (I think laughter really IS the best medicine..even a psychiatrist will tell you that.)

"Loves to please the one they care for..." Hmmm....well, yes, before I was married, I guess you could say that I did love to do little things to please the person I was with. But now that I'm married, I REALLY don't give a shit about pleasing anyone except myself. True stuff.

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Totally BADASS. Best person you'll ever meet!

Stubborn and hard hearted, oh yes. Strong willed and highly motivated---yep, that's me! Sharp thoughts and easily angered---correct once again! Attracts others and loves attention. (Yes and yes, so very true. I do attract others and I never knew why until now.) Deep feelings, beautiful physically and mentally--this one is almost funny. I have a tattoo on my forearm and everyone always asks me what it means because it's the Japanese word for beautiful. I picked that because I think everyone is beautiful in their own unique way, and it doesn't have to be physical.

Firm standpoint, needs no motivation..correct again! I tend to be very firm in my views but I also allow room for other's opinions as well. Respect is the key word, folks.

Easily consoled--right once again. Matter of fact, I don't like to be consoled at all. I prefer to be left alone when it appears I need consolation. Trust me on this. I hate it when I'm upset and people try to hug me and stuff. It makes me uncomfortable. Don't do it. Please.

Systematic--left brain---Actually, I am more of a right brainer. I cannot grasp any kind mathematical concepts at all. It's quite sad, really, how mathematically inept I am. I am also terrible at any kind of spatial ability tests. It appears I don't really use my left brain at all. (Or do I have them backwards? I can hear Andyro now: "Well, why don't you tell us, Miss Psychology?" LOL)

Loves to dream--strong clairvoyance---Oh boy, is this ever true. Both parts. But especially the clairvoyance part.

Sickness usually in the ear and neck---Once again, amazingly accurate! I suffer from chronic earaches, which you will see if you go to the beginning of this journal. I get horrible, eardrum tearing earaches in each ear at least once a year, and little ones throughout. I have learned to live with it, but it's not always fun. (The last one landed me in the emergency room with a shot of morphine in my arm.) I have two ruptured eardrums and my hearing is bad. And when I get sick, I usually have a sore throat, hence the "neck."

Good imagination---not so sure about this one. My imagination takes me crazy places. But yes, I would say I have a good imagination as long as I am not pressured to come up with a creative idea, because then, you can forget it.

Good physical---Amazingly, yes. Even with all my eardrum problems and my bad hearing and bad eyesight, and my thyroid disease, I feel amazingly good. I used to wear my weight well (until I gained too much for my body to hide for me, lol) and I don't really get sick all that easily. And when I do, I continue working anyway. I never stop. So, yes, I would agree that I have good physical for the most part. LOL.

Weak breathing--I don't know. I never thought of my breathing as being weak or strong. Maybe I should concentrate on it more. Perhaps breathing deeper (stronger) is better for you.

Loves literature and the arts---I love to read! I read two whole books this weekend. (Instead of doing homework.) I also love music. I guess that's an art.

Loves traveling---Can you say "frequent flier miles?" I love to travel whether it be by car or plane. I love the excitement of going somewhere else other than home. I LOVE going to different states, especially ones that I have never been to before. (My goal is to visit ALL the states before I die. There's just no excuse not to.) I am always looking for a reason to book the tickets.

Dislike being at home---HAHA! Ask my husband and he will tell you how true this is. This weekend my husband and I had nothing to do except work on our new computer, and I threw books around and got mad and cried because we had to stay in the house. I never want to be home. I ALWAYS want to be OUT. During the week, I am usually gone all day until well after my husband has fallen asleep, but the weekends are awful. I need to find something else to do on the weekends.

Restless---Yep. That's me. I move to Grand Rapids, I don't like it and move back to Flint. I move to Kentucky and love it, but am forced to move back to Flint. I move to Florida and love it for a long time, and because I am restless and as my license plate says, "whimsical," I decide to move back to Michigan because I missed the seasons. Now I am restless again and I am never going to be happy unless I have homes all over the country to go to when I get sick of one. This is the reason why I will never be completely happy anywhere. Can't help it, but I CAN make the best of it.

Not having many children---Well. I have one who is twelve and I have twins that I gave up for adoption in 1998 so if that counts as not having many children then I guess I don't. I guess this also means that I won't be having any more, perhaps shouldn't have any more.

Hardworking---Yes. Yes. And Yes. Even if I sometimes procrastinate until the very last minute, and I often do, I bust my ass to get the job done right. I despise half-assed work. I would be a slavedriving boss. I don't have a 4.0 GPA for nothing.

High spirited--Most of the time. Right now I'm really pissy. It must be my time of the month, because I feel like a psycho. But most of the time I'm pretty happy and positive, even if my posts are sarcastic. I love sarcasm.

Totally BADASS..the best person you'll ever meet---I did not put that there. I swear it was already included in this list. But, once again, OH SO TRUE. :-D

So there you go, a short but accurate analysis of me. Try it yourself, it's fun. Here's the rest of it.
(Andyro, I hope you don't mind).


Pick the MONTH that you were born & COLOR of your eyes.

blue eyes - people with blue eyes are very attractive, adorable, loves to make love . will do anything for that special person. kind, and polite. can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. loves to please the one they care or love for.

brown eyes - People with brown eyes last the longest in bed. they are very satisfying and love to please and can EXCEED your pleasure standards.

green eyes - People with green eyes have the most passion put into having sex, they don't have sex with strangers and rarely will have a one night stand, therefore they have lasting relationships with great sex.

hazel eyes - People with hazel eyes have the most sex positions and techniques. they're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY experience.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

JANUARY:

Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to being cold. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
________________________________________________
FEBRUARY:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.MOST HORNY OUT OF THEM ALL.
________________________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. GREAT IN BED will take you to the moon. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. AND ALWAYS HORNY!!!!
_________________________________
APRIL:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal and always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. SEXY but has brains.
_________________________________
MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Totally BADASS. Best person you'll ever meet!
_________________________________
JUNE:
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You are probably a massive Burzum fan, and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. It is also more than likely that you have a massive cd collection (that is better than anybody else's from any other month). You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor yourself - hell, you've got the looks for it!!! You are funny as hell and the life of the party. You get sick easily. Lively. Outgoing. Inconsistent- never sticks to one thing very long. Flirtacious. Heartbreaker. Entertaining. Playful. Hates feeling tied down. Spontaneous. Romantic by nature. Not afraid to experiment. Persuasive.
_______________________________
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody, Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. HOT. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
Outgoing personality. takes risks. self control. kind hearted. self confident. energetic, easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. ~Best sex partner anyone could ask for ! hates studying. in need of "that someone". . rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter for what he/she believes in.
_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Holds grudges, Emotional. Very stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Very skilled at making love. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Messy, playful, secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
____________________________
DECEMBER:

This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. SEXY. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Questions

Q: What's the point of Valentine's Day?

A: Who fuckin cares?

Q: Who do women put on makeup when it's not even necessary?

A: Because they can. Leave them alone and let them be narcisstic assholes by themselves.

Q: Why do some guys act like they like a girl, and then turn around and diss her to his friends?

A: Because their tiny little weenies have taken over their body and they want to poke something with it. They figure that if you won't sleep with them, maybe their friends will want to, if they're cool enough.

Q: Are all lesbians butch?

A: Does a bear shit in the woods?

Q: I keep trying to upload a document to my computer from an email attachment. It keeps giving me an error message. Why won't it work?

A: Because you're a fucking moron.

Q: Hey, have you seen (insert movie title here)?

A: Fuck no, I haven't seen it. I do not watch TV. Quit asking!

Q: Have you heard the joke about.....?

A: No, but I haven't, but I figure you'll go right on ahead and tell me, you stupid bitch.

Q: What is the meaning of life?

A: To eat! Do you hear me? Eat! Chocolate, potato chips, whatever the fuck! Eat until you die! That's all that's fun in this life.

Monday, February 13, 2006


For the finale, this is me and my best friend, Willie, AKA Willikers. He is an amazing cat and I love him dearly. He is now five years old and still full of piss and vinegar. But he's also cuddly and sweet and seems to know when I need to cuddle. I just love him...I've had him since he was a baby.
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This is me, taken a few weeks age. Note the bags under my eyes. I look sleep-starved, and I probably was. If I remember right, this picture was taken just as I felt I was coming down with something, which I was. I was trying to get pictures of my hair but I actually look like a dog begging to be let in for the night. LOL!
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I've been wearing Shawn's hat for a week because I figured that way I wouldn't have to do my hair. I already look like a lesbian with my short hair anyway, so now I just look like a cute butch lesbian. And yes, I did get a positive response on Friday when I went bowling with my lesbian league. I got a lot of "Ohhh, you're so cute in your hat," type of comments. I don't mind.
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Mike again. When I took this picture he had a conniption fit because his eyes were closed. "Take it again! Take it again!" he kept saying. So I did. Jesus, Mike, shut the fuck up.
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Gross. Also, my drink of choice which I did not drink that night. I drank two HUGE and very STRONG Long Islands instead. I was feeling very pleasant, althought not stupid ass stumbling drunk, by night's end.
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Northern Michigan has a very distinct culture of hunting, fishing, and outdoorsy type stuff. We stopped at a store on our way home called "The Up North Store" and this was a real bear that someone had shot in 1995. They had it on display in the store, and it kind of spooked me. I guess it was shot in the U.P., which is someplace I have never been but really want to go.
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This is Andy, if that is his real name. Lynn met him at the bar; he was just one of the very many guys that came on to her. But he was funny and original, and we liked him so he stuck around for a while and didn't try anything lewd, which was a big bonus for him. He also bought her a drink or two, I think, and was just an all around nice guy.
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This is Lynn and Shawn. I love this picture, although Shawn looks like a ghost compared to her. They have a lot in common and get along really well. They understand each other, I should say. And of course, I'm sure Shawn has a crush on her. Everyone else I know does. I'm not mad at it. I think it's rather CUUUUUUTE!
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This is me and Lynn, when I was still in my pissy mood. Shawn and I had been arguing all day and I really wasn't in the mood to party. After I saw this picture I laughed and said, "God, I look old." (and with my lack of hair, I also look GAY).
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This is Shawn and Mike at Chum's. I found out that night that Mike has an aversion to people touching him in any way unless they're skinny and beautiful, which prompted me to tell him to "fuck off" more than once. I think this picture was taken BEFORE he pissed off a group of guys who then came after him. Lynn and I intervened, but not before we almost got crushed by this big 300 lb monster that came flying out of nowhere and smacked Mike in the forehead. I'm not saying he didn't deserve it because he was being a prick. I'm just saying that he's lucky I was there because I am so not afraid of bar fights. Mike has never been in a fight in his life. I jumped in the middle of it and Lynn and I held back about six guys that were ready to beat his ass. I'm not stupid; I know that they could have gotten Mike if they wanted him bad enough. I just don't think they were willing to step over a couple of girls to do it. One little guy who had nothing to do with any of it but who watched it all go down told me, "You're fucking awesome! You're like a bouncer!" LOL. Yeah, that's me.
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This is Mike, looking normal. He really is a great guy and a good friend, but can be extremely annoying at times. I swear he has ADHD and you have to say something twenty times to make him understand. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body and is one hundred percent himself, which is why I like him. He's very innocent and I say he's a new soul because he is so pure. That doesn't stop me from wanting to slap him sometimes.
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OMG, WHAT is in my ASS??!!

This is my friend Mike. Lynn, Shawn, and I went up north this weekend to East Tawas, unaware that they were hosting an event called "Perchville." It was like Mardi Gras, people partying all over the place. Lots of beads.

I snapped this pic of Mike at a bar/restaurant we were at called "Chum's." All of a sudden, for no explainable reason, he began complaining that there was something in his ass. There was a table next to us giving him strange looks but he kept squirming around in his chair complaining. It was so damn funny. You'd just have to know Mike. This behavior is normal for him. So I took this picture and told him I was posting it on the internet.

I'm going to have to post more later. This computer is being a dick and it won't let me upload any more pictures, even though I have quite a few.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A Letter To Angie..FUCK YOU, YOU UGLY BITCH!

I wrote a post about Angie about a week ago, how she had her kids taken away from her and how they were going to be evicted out of their house for non payment of rent. (They haven't paid rent in two years or more.) I was saying how I wanted God to help me overcome the resentment I had toward her for the things she had done to me and my daughter, so that I could be a good friend to her now that she needs me the most.

WELL, FUCK THAT.


I got a phone call from her mom yesterday and she said that Angie had told her that my grandma was giving her money. I laughed and said Angie was lying, that there was no way my grandma would give her money. She knows Angie is a big piece of lazy shit. I called my grandma when I got out of class and laughed as I told her about the conversation. Then she proceeded to tell me that it was indeed true.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I also found out, from Angie's sister in law, that they scrounged money from Ethan's father to pay their back rent and borrowed money from my grandma to have money to "live on" while neither of them have a job. Can you say unbelievably fucking stunned? No, wait..can you picture me on my cellphone in the middle of a restaurant screaming about how I am going to beat the fucking hell out of this bitch?

My grandma has money and anyone who knows me knows that. Angie has known me since 1991 so she definitely knows that. It's not like she was borrowing money for a good cause. THE FAT SLOP OF SHIT WHORE DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING WORK, NOR DOES SHE WANT TO. NO ONE ELSE WILL HELP THEM..NO ONE ELSE WOULD GIVE THEM MONEY, EVEN AFTER THEY LOST THEIR KIDS. THIS OUGHT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

So, I find out that not only did she borrow money from my grandmother, who, by the way, she barely knows and has rarely talked to, but she actually showed up at my grandmother's house, unannounced, and asked for it in person. Does this not take a huge amount of fucking balls?? And then not tell me a god damn thing about it. Hoping I wouldn't find out.

So after I found this out, I drove over to her house and banged on the door. Her husband let me in and I followed him into the living room. The first thing I did was tell him that what I was about to say was not directed at him. The second thing I said was, "You fucking BITCH!!" Then I went the fuck off, the whole time praying for God to give me strength NOT to hit her. I didn't, but I wish I had a camera so you could see the look of shock on her face. She kept mumbling about paying it back and that she didn't go behind my back. BITCH! That is my grandma. How the fuck are you not going behind my back if YOU DON'T TELL ME ABOUT THE SHIT??!!! She didn't get too smart with me though, which was a good thing, because I had half a mind to beat her mercilessly. My grandmother is 85 years old and doesn't need to deal with her bullshit. Not only that, but she lied to her and told her that she had TWO jobs. TWO! That bitch hasn't had ONE job in over a year! Now all of a sudden she's got TWO? Then she told my grandma that she wasn't smoking anymore. Bullshit! When I walked into her house she was puffing away. On cigarettes bought with my grandmother's money. I should have put the fucking thing out on her fucking eye.

I was so angry last night that I couldn't sleep, so I wrote a letter to her and said everything I didn't say at her house. I mailed it this afternoon. I am also posting it here. Enjoy!


Angie,

First of all, I want to say that I am not directing this letter at your husband. There are several reasons why. First of all, I like him as a person, and I haven’t liked you in quite some time. Second of all, I know that it was not his idea to call MY grandmother and ask her for money. Lastly, I never hear anyone complain about him. It’s always you. You, you, you. So let me say once again, that this letter is not a slam on him, except for the fact that he’s married to you and has to live his life with someone like you.
Ever since I’ve moved back to Michigan I haven’t liked you. Why do you think I am not around? Why do you think you have to call me to get me to come around? And that time when Lynn and James came over? Well, that was just for our own amusement. Before we went into your house, I predicted things that you would say, such as, “Can I have a real cigarette?” (which you said) and something about “the state” paying or not paying for something. (you said that too). We made fun of you all the way home and someone made the comment of, “If I ever end up like that, shoot me.” What a laugh riot it was! Of course, they felt so bad for your children. I was so desensitized to your neglect of them that I essentially never noticed it. Isn’t that sad?

You know how sad and sorry it is to have your kid taken away because you just can’t bear to get your ass up in the morning and drive him to school? And then tell your son to lie to the school and say he was sick, when in fact, you were just too lazy to drive him there? That’s insane! And yes, you leave your children unsupervised all the time. Whenever you go to someone else’s house, you let them run wild in the hopes that the OTHER person will watch them for you, basically forcing the other person to chase them around. Ethan doesn’t do that; he chases his kids down and disciplines them and genuinely loves them. But you, I think you are incapable of love. I think everything about you is fake. I think you are so rude to people because you are a sociopath personality. You have visions of grandeur, when in fact, you are nothing but a low class welfare bitch playing the off the system and living off of the kindness of others. And, as your mother in law said, you disassociate yourself from everything…and you do. When she said that to you last year I about pissed in my pants, it was all so true. YOU never do anything wrong. It’s ALWAYS someone or something else. And if you can’t get by with those excuses, then you say you CAN’T REMEMBER. How’s that for convenient?

I have known for years that I can’t trust you. I have always kept you at arm’s length, especially after you called my boyfriend and repeated everything I said to you in a heated moment, about how I wanted to kill him and blah blah blah. There isn’t a woman alive who hasn’t said that kind of thing, and you knew everything there was to know about the relationship problems Ray and I had, but yet, you waited for me to leave and called Ray and told him everything, encouraging him to get a restraining order on me. Now, that’s not all your fault, because I was acting crazy and needed a reality check, but what kind of fucking friend are you to call up this man behind my back and relate to him everything I ever said? So, you know, ever since then, I’ve kept you at a distance. There isn’t one single person that I know who hasn’t asked me why do I still talk to you? I guess the answer is because I felt sorry for you once I moved to Florida. Once I got there, I finally got it. I started living my life the right way and now I have found inner peace. So, what I mean by that, is that I don’t understand people like you. You are almost thirty years old and you are using and abusing the system just to get by. I used to think it was Ethan’s fault, that he’s changed you somehow, but I don’t think that anymore. I think that, if anything, Ethan is just afraid to go out of the house for fear he’ll be accused of cheating. Or some such shit. Who knows?

Now let me say this. I know for a fact that when I was a teenager, and up until I moved to Kentucky, and probably even after that, that you had a field day with protective services and me. I know you were the one who initially talked to them when Alexa was a baby. I know you called them over and over again on me when I lived in Flint. I used to blame it on Elizabeth, or my Aunt Ann, or your mom. But it wasn’t any of those people. It was YOU. I tried to deny the very facts in front of my eyes but now that I don’t give a fuck anymore I want you to know that I know it was you. You need to realize that you have never, not once, fooled me into thinking anything else, and second of all, I am way smarter than you and I just know better. For some reason, it made you feel good to see my baby taken away. You enjoyed it. Just like you enjoyed talking to Ray and immersing yourself in my life. You liked it when things didn’t go right for me. You liked to see me suffering in some way. Did it make you feel superior? Or are you just jealous that you will never be what I am and you want that so bad you stay up late at night hating yourself for being such a piece of shit and wishing you had one morsel of “good person” in you? What is it? Why do you do this to people’s lives? I know it’s not just me you’ve done it to. Do you need attention that bad? How come when you were pregnant with Randee you told the doctor that you’d had a baby when you were 13 but gave it up for adoption? That’s legally impossible. Your parents knew nothing about it. I didn’t know it when I was 14, but I sure as shit knew it when I was 19. Everyone in middle school and high school made fun of you for making up all these pregnancy stories, but I stuck up for you. Not because I necessarily believed you, but because I was your friend. And you have done nothing except try to fuck me over for years. Amazing!

Well, it’s come full circle now, hasn’t it, bitch? There is absolutely nothing you can do to me. I have money, a beautiful home, a new car, a happy and well balanced life that I PAY FOR WITH MY OWN MONEY, and a great relationship with my daughter. All that shit you did to me and to everyone else is coming back on you right now. It’s called karma. Your karma is the most fucked up I have ever seen. I am so glad I am not you. I haven’t liked being around you for quite some time now because of your karma. Anything could happen. I hope you’re learning a lesson right now, but I’m sure you won’t. You’ll probably sit there in denial, like you always do, because it’s always someone else’s fault and never yours, and you think that you will come out on top by being nasty to people, when, in fact, most people I know simply pity you. God, I am so glad I’m not you!

Which brings me to the point of this letter. This is how I’ve felt for a while, but I never told you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But this here is the truth. It’s what your social worker can’t say to you because she’ll be fired. It’s what your mom won’t say to you. It’s why your sister and brother avoid you. I’m not trying to put words in anyone’s mouth, but I‘d be willing to bet that this same thought has crossed DeAnna‘s mind a time or two. (*Angie's mother in law, Ethan's mother) (God, that poor woman. I would HATE to be your mother in law. She seems to be a fiercely loyal and caring person, especially to her family. You don‘t deserve anyone like that in your life). But you are simply a using ass bitch. Simple as that. You find someone that you can take something from. Be it a cigarette, or a few bucks, something like that. And then it becomes a constant thing. Then you want more cigarettes, more money, diapers, wipes, etc. That’s why I hated going over to your house because I felt like I was being milked. “Can I have a cigarette? Can I have a ride? Can you help me find $50 to pay my water deposit? Can you take me to go get my medicine? Oh wait, I don’t have a dollar to pay for it. Can I have another cigarette?” I lied to you so many times and said I didn’t have money when I did because, frankly, you do nothing to help yourself. You just sit on your ass and expect other people to help you because you’re “struggling” right now. Well, you’ve been struggling for years and you’ve had ample opportunity to change things but you don’t. You use people. You use them up until they have nothing left to give. Everyone is sick of you. I know I was sick of it before the state even took your kids. And you know, I sat there and prayed and prayed for God to overpower the resentment I felt toward you so I could be a good friend to you when you needed me. That’s what God would have wanted me to do. I’m sure He still does, but I am done. I am not going to sacrifice myself and my well being for you. You do nothing but get on the phone and borrow money. Get a fucking job and do it on your own. You know how. You’ve done it before, and I always admired you for that. Now, I can’t even stand being in the same room with you because you are so negative and hostile and angry with the very people who are trying to help you.

You know that when you called my grandma to ask for money that I would not approve. You knew it would piss me off. First of all, you have no relationship with her at all. You never talk to her. Second of all, she is my family, not yours. She is 85 years old and doesn’t need to be loaning money to lazy fucking assholes like you. I wouldn’t have cared if you had done something with your life all these years, but you don’t. So you used her to get more money even though Ethan’s dad sent you money to pay your rent. (AGAIN.) And you specifically did not tell me. Did you think I would not find out? Your mother just called because she was surprised at it and I told her I thought you were lying. When my grandma did, in fact, tell me that she had loaned you money I experienced anger like I have never experienced it before. That’s why I had Ricky with me. Ricky, who works AND goes to school and is expecting a baby any day. I could not risk acting a fool and doing something that would get me arrested so having him with me was a buffer against that, but to be honest with you, I wanted to beat the fucking shit out of you. I won’t, because I am a better person than that. But I honestly can’t believe the audacity you have. That takes some big balls to call someone’s grandma..someone you don’t even have a relationship with…and ask for money. You said, “I’m going to pay her back when I get my taxes,” but you’ve used that excuse in the past with people like your stepfather for just a few bucks and never paid him back. That’s why all your bridges are burned…everyone is sick of helping you. So the only person you had left was my grandma? How long has it been since you talked to her? I can’t believe you did that. Now I know that you are a scum sucking, bottom feeder, low level of society bitch. And last night I came home and redid your taxes, sending them to my house. I will have someone come to your house so that you will sign the check and I will give it right to my grandmother. There’s not going to be any bullshit because I have, in my possession, a copy of the promissory note she had you sign. You will sign that check over to her immediately.

You made a big mistake. You should never have called her. I had money, you should have called me. I would have told you no, anyway, just like I told you no about the food stamps. But you specifically went behind my back and did it. If you weren’t being sneaky about it, you would have told me right up front. You had access to a phone to call her. You should have called me. Now, Aunt Ann knows and my whole family knows and rest assured that if that check doesn’t get signed over to her immediately, you will face us all and you don’t want to do that. We’re a bunch of social workers, attorneys, and judges, so make sure you do the right thing. And then, do not EVER, under any circumstances, call my grandmother again. EVER. If I ever find out, after this money is paid back to her, that you called her again, all bets are off. Do not do it. Consider yourself warned. DO NOT DO IT. She is not your family. She is mine. You don’t even speak to her. You are a using ass bitch and you need to get out of my family. You have infected us like a fucking virus and no one likes you. NO ONE. THAT is not going to change.

As for me and you, I do not ever want to hear from you again. Do not call me. Do not call Elizabeth. Do not call anyone in my family, looking for me. I am done talking to you. It is a relief, but at the same time, I am so pissed about you taking money from my grandma that I can’t really see too far past that right now. If I show up in court, it’ll be to see what happens to the kids. But I don’t give a fuck about you. Don’t call me for any reason. Ethan can call me. DeAnna can call me. But not you. I don’t want to hear your voice again. I don’t ever want to speak to you again. I am finished with you and your shit. I really care about your husband as a person and I really like your mother in law, so if you get the kids back and the KIDS need something and you have no one else to call, you can have Ethan or DeAnna call me. But I don’t want to ever talk to you again, you nasty fucking whore. YOU can call me only if you’re dying, so I can make it to the cemetery to spit on your fucking grave.


Sondra

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Click On This Link

I don't know these guys but they did an amazing job. Check it out.


Click here

What the FUCK?

I was out bowling tonight on my Wednesday night league (okay, I admit I am a geek) and I didn't hear my phone ring. Two hours later, while driving home from the grocery store, I realize I have voice mail on my phone. I call and it says I have two messages. This is what I hear:

FIRST MESSAGE:

Angie: Hey hun, it's me, just checking to see if you're around. Ethan and I are going out to Angelo's and wanted to know if you'd like to meet us for dinner. We'll be there in a few minutes and I guess I'll try and call you back later. Bye.

SECOND MESSAGE:

Angie: Well, I guess you didn't get my message, but I'm calling you anyways to tell you that we are going to go to Atlas instead because there's, uh, a guy here, a black guy, with cornrows..and he's dangling them, so, uh, we're going to leave. I guess I'll talk to you later.

Can anyone, ANYONE, tell me what the fuck that means? A black guy dangling his cornrows? What?? I don't get it. Does anyone else get it? Seriously. There are two things I need to know. Number one is, is a black guy with cornrows more threatening than any one else in the restaurant? and two: What does "dangling cornrows" mean? I am so confused. Please help.